Mission Impossible was …

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.

Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.