Accountant jokes

Why do accountants get excited at the weekends? Because they can wear casual clothes to work.

Why are accountants so cool, calm and collected? They have strong internal controls.

What is the definition of “accountant”? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.

What does CPA stand for? Can’t Pass Again.

What do accountants like most about the weekends? They get to wear casual clothes to work!

What did the accountant say when he looked at the tax form? The man who set the standard deduction must have been a bachelor. I am lying when I am listing myself as a head of household.

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet? Lost.

Why does Santa like visiting the UK? He can claim Gift Relief.

How do accountants make a bold fashion statement? Wear their dark grey socks instead of the light grey.

America is the land of opportunity. Everybody can become a taxpayer!

Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.

If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep all she has to say is “Dear, tell me about your day at work.”

What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular

What do accountants do for fun? Add the telephone book!

What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him.

How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn’t wear a tie and comes in after 8am!

How many accounts does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many did it take last year?

What would an accountant want for a superpower? Telepathy with an excel spreadsheet.

What do actuaries do to liven up their parties? Invite an accountant.

Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate.

How do you know when an accountant’s having a mid-life crisis? He gets a faster calculator.

How does an accountant stay out of debt? He learns to act his wage.

How can you tell when the chief accountant is getting soft? When he actually listens to marketing before saying no.

Children may be a tax deductible, but they’re still taxing.

What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone.