I’m on… - Anti jokes - I’m on a seafood diet. It’s going to be really tough for me — I lost a bet to a friend, and the problem is I am a vegetarian.

I’m on…

I’m on a seafood diet. It’s going to be really tough for me — I lost a bet to a friend, and the problem is I am a vegetarian.
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How does the… - Anti jokes - How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house? This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.

How does the…

How does the white-tail deer jump higher than the average house? This is due to their powerful hind legs and the fact that the average house can’t jump.
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How do you… - Anti jokes - How do you know it’s cold outside? You go outside and it’s cold.

How do you…

How do you know it’s cold outside? You go outside and it’s cold.
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Hey you! Funny pickup lines? you can find here. Use at your own risk!
What’s white… - Anti jokes - What’s white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.

What’s white…

What’s white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche.
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A priest, a… - Anti jokes - A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar. They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.

A priest, a…

A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar. They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
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I broke my… - Anti jokes - I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m OK.

I broke my…

I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m OK.
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Do you know all Knock Knock jokes? Try it out!
What do you… - Anti jokes - What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

What do you…

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head? An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.
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What did the… - Anti jokes - What did the raccoon say to the other raccoon? “Does my breath smell like garbage?”

What did the…

What did the raccoon say to the other raccoon? “Does my breath smell like garbage?”
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Why did the… - Anti jokes - Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.

Why did the…

Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
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Check out our Chuck Norris jokes? Quickly! Before Chuck Norris finds out!
How do you… - Anti jokes - How do you confuse someone? Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.

How do you…

How do you confuse someone? Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.
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What do you… - Anti jokes - What do you get when you mix a goat and a sheep? A geep.

What do you…

What do you get when you mix a goat and a sheep? A geep.
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What do you… - Anti jokes - What do you call a fish with no eyes? It doesn’t even matter.

What do you…

What do you call a fish with no eyes? It doesn’t even matter.
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Blonde jokes, who doesn't know them, but have you heard these?
What does a… - Anti jokes - What does a dad joke sound like in space? As cringe as it sounds on earth.

What does a…

What does a dad joke sound like in space? As cringe as it sounds on earth.
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What does one… - Anti jokes - What does one French Guy say to another French Guy? “My name is also Guy.”

What does one…

What does one French Guy say to another French Guy? “My name is also Guy.”
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What did one… - Anti jokes - What did one Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? I do not know; I don’t speak Japanese.

What did one…

What did one Japanese man say to the other Japanese man? I do not know; I don’t speak Japanese.
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Funny sayings? for any occasion, here you will find them.
My girlfriend is… - Anti jokes - My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. She doesn't have a headphone jack.

My girlfriend is…

My girlfriend is like an iPhone 7. She doesn’t have a headphone jack.
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Why can’t… - Anti jokes - Why can’t Tommy the T. rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.

Why can’t…

Why can’t Tommy the T. rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
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What did the… - Anti jokes - What did the monkey and pancake batter have in common? They both love bananas.

What did the…

What did the monkey and pancake batter have in common? They both love bananas.
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funny dad jokes, at your own risk!
What do you… - Anti jokes - What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

What do you…

What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
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Do you want… - Anti jokes - Do you want to know what always makes me smile? Face muscles.

Do you want…

Do you want to know what always makes me smile? Face muscles.
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Mary had a… - Anti jokes - Mary had a little lamb, And the doctor fainted.

Mary had a…

Mary had a little lamb, And the doctor fainted.
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You like it short and sweet? Perfect! Here come our Jokes One Liners!
Did you fall… - Anti jokes - Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.

Did you fall…

Did you fall from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face.
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What came first… - Anti jokes - What came first, the chicken or the egg? Dinosaurs.

What came first…

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Dinosaurs.
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What’s a… - Anti jokes - What’s a vampire’s favorite food? Vampires aren’t real.

What’s a…

What’s a vampire’s favorite food? Vampires aren’t real.
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Anyone who likes dark humor jokes has a high IQ and is damn good looking too!
Why do we… - Anti jokes - Why do we dress baby boys in blue and baby girls in pink? Because they can't dress themselves.

Why do we…

Why do we dress baby boys in blue and baby girls in pink? Because they can’t dress themselves.
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What’s black… - Anti jokes - What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.

What’s black…

What’s black and white and eats like a horse? A zebra.
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What’s funny… - Anti jokes - What’s funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff? Nothing. They were my friends.

What’s funny…

What’s funny about five people in a Chevy Suburban driving off a cliff? Nothing. They were my friends.
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No more good punchlines! Here come our anti jokes!
You don’t… - Anti jokes - You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

You don’t…

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
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I still remember… - Anti jokes - I still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

I still remember…

I still remember the last words my grandfather said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
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Humpty Dumpty had… - Anti jokes - Humpty Dumpty had a great fall… And a pretty good spring and summer too.

Humpty Dumpty had…

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall… And a pretty good spring and summer too.
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Want to know… - Anti jokes - Want to know something that will make you smile? Your facial muscles.

Want to know…

Want to know something that will make you smile? Your facial muscles.
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This girl invited… - Anti jokes - This girl invited me to her house, saying nobody was home. I got there, and nobody was home.

This girl invited…

This girl invited me to her house, saying nobody was home. I got there, and nobody was home.
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What makes you… - Anti jokes - What makes you laugh harder than your own child? A whoopie cushion.

What makes you…

What makes you laugh harder than your own child? A whoopie cushion.
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How long does… - Anti jokes - How long does it take you to count to 100? I don’t care.

How long does…

How long does it take you to count to 100? I don’t care.
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What do you… - Anti jokes - What do you call a talking turtle? Fictional.

What do you…

What do you call a talking turtle? Fictional.
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Who shaves at… - Anti jokes - Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.

Who shaves at…

Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
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Do you want… - Anti jokes - Do you want to know my secret to sanity? Red wine.

Do you want…

Do you want to know my secret to sanity? Red wine.
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I’d never… - Anti jokes - I’d never tell you a pizza joke. It’s way too cheesy.

I’d never…

I’d never tell you a pizza joke. It’s way too cheesy.
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What do you… - Anti jokes - What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.

What do you…

What do you call a joke that isn’t funny? A sentence.
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Learn sign language… - Anti jokes - Learn sign language. It’s very handy.

Learn sign language…

Learn sign language. It’s very handy.
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Two muffins are… - Anti jokes - Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Two muffins are…

Two muffins are sitting in the oven. One says, “Wow, it’s hot in here.” The other one says, “Sure is. Probably about 350 degrees Fahrenheit.”
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What did he… - Anti jokes - What did he give her on Valentine’s Day? Something red and lots of lies.

What did he…

What did he give her on Valentine’s Day? Something red and lots of lies.
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Do you know… - Anti jokes - Do you know why everyone is afraid to come to my house? It’s haunted.

Do you know…

Do you know why everyone is afraid to come to my house? It’s haunted.
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What do you… - Anti jokes - What do you call a pencil sharpener that can’t sharpen pencils? Broken.

What do you…

What do you call a pencil sharpener that can’t sharpen pencils? Broken.
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How is a… - Anti jokes - How is a bar of soap the same as your dreams? They’re both amazing at slipping away.

How is a…

How is a bar of soap the same as your dreams? They’re both amazing at slipping away.
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What did one… - Anti jokes - What did one woman say to the other woman next to the coffee machine? “Coffee looks good.”

What did one…

What did one woman say to the other woman next to the coffee machine? “Coffee looks good.”
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I have glasses… - Anti jokes - I have glasses but cannot see. I have feet but cannot walk. What am I? A riddle.

I have glasses…

I have glasses but cannot see. I have feet but cannot walk. What am I? A riddle.
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What did one… - Anti jokes - What did one Frenchman say to the other Frenchman? I don’t know; I don’t speak French.

What did one…

What did one Frenchman say to the other Frenchman? I don’t know; I don’t speak French.
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Parallel lines have… - Anti jokes - Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Parallel lines have…

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
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Why did the… - Anti jokes - Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Chickens had not evolved yet.

Why did the…

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Chickens had not evolved yet.
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