A blonde, wanting… - Blonde jokes - A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

A blonde, wanting…

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” … Read more

A blonde orders… - Blonde jokes - A blonde orders a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it into six, eight or twelve pieces. The blonde replies "Six please. I could never eat twelve".

A blonde orders…

A blonde orders a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it into six, eight or twelve pieces. The blonde replies “Six please. I could never eat twelve”.

A blonde and a… - Blonde jokes - A blonde and a brunette are watching a TV show. The brunette bets the blonde $10 that the man in the episode would jump off a bridge. The man jumps off the bridge and blonde pays the the brunette $10. The brunette feels guilty because she had already seen the episode, so she confesses to the blonde. The blonde says, "I've seen it too, but I didn't think he would jump again."

A blonde and a…

A blonde and a brunette are watching a TV show. The brunette bets the blonde $10 that the man in the episode would jump off a bridge. The man jumps off the bridge and blonde pays the the brunette $10. The brunette feels guilty because she had already seen the episode, so she confesses to … Read more

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, "What are you doing in there?" She says, "I'm washing my clothes." The man asks, "Why don't you use a washing machine?" The blonde says, "I tried that, but it was too dizzy.

A blonde is…

A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, “What are you doing in there?” She says, “I’m washing my clothes.” The man asks, “Why don’t you use a washing machine?” The blonde says, “I tried that, but it was too dizzy.

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don't match, one is red and the other is white. Her friend sees her out and says, "You know your socks don't match, right? You're wearing one red sock and one white sock." The blonde responds, "That's so weird! I have another pair just like it in my drawer at home."

A blonde is…

A blonde is wearing a pair of socks that don’t match, one is red and the other is white. Her friend sees her out and says, “You know your socks don’t match, right? You’re wearing one red sock and one white sock.” The blonde responds, “That’s so weird! I have another pair just like it … Read more

A blonde walks… - Blonde jokes - A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "What do you have on tap?" He replies, "Anheuser-Busch" (And-how's-your bush). She says, "Just fine. How's your penis?"

A blonde walks…

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “What do you have on tap?” He replies, “Anheuser-Busch” (And-how’s-your bush). She says, “Just fine. How’s your penis?”

A blonde gets… - Blonde jokes - A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she's at. The blonde replies, "I'm on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk."

A blonde gets…

A blonde gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets she’s at. The blonde replies, “I’m on the corner of Walk and Do Not Walk.”

There was a… - Blonde jokes - There was a blonde driving in the country side when she went around the corner and saw an ocean of wheat fields. Then she saw a blonde in a row boat frantically paddling. The blonde driver yelled out, "Hey! It's blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I knew how to swim, I'd swim out there and kick your ass!"

There was a…

There was a blonde driving in the country side when she went around the corner and saw an ocean of wheat fields. Then she saw a blonde in a row boat frantically paddling. The blonde driver yelled out, “Hey! It’s blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I knew … Read more

Why did the… - Blonde jokes - Why did the blonde think she was a genius after completing her jigsaw puzzle? The box said "for two to five years" and it only took her one.

Why did the…

Why did the blonde think she was a genius after completing her jigsaw puzzle? The box said “for two to five years” and it only took her one.

There was a… - Blonde jokes - There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.

There was a…

There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, … Read more

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her. The man in the car says to her, ''What do you have in the bag?'' The blonde replies: ''I have chickens!'' The man thinks for a moment and says, ''If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?'' The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, ''Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess exactly how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"

A blonde is…

A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her. The man in the car says to her, ”What do you have in the bag?” The blonde replies: ”I have chickens!” The man thinks for a moment and says, ”If I can guess how many chickens you have in the … Read more

Three woman (a… - Blonde jokes - Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting. She comes back with 2 rabbits. The other two say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw rabbits. Rabbits ran. I shot. Rabbits stopped." Then the brunette leaves and comes back with a deer. The other two say, "Wow, Where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw deer. Deer ran. I shot. Deer stopped." The blonde leaves and comes crawling back, all bloodied and black and blue. They others say, "Wow, where did you get that?" She says, "I found tracks. I followed tracks. I saw train. Train ran. I shot. Train didn't stop."

Three woman (a…

Three women (a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette) are lost in the forest while hunting. They each have a shotgun with 2 bullets. They make a fire. Then the redhead gets up and goes hunting. She comes back with 2 rabbits. The other two say, “Wow, where did you get that?” She says, “I … Read more

There was a… - Blonde jokes - There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead trapped on an island and the nearest land was 50 miles away. The redhead swam to land but only made it 15 miles then drowned. The brunette swam 24 miles and then drowned. The blonde swam 25 miles but then got tired so swam back to the island.

There was a…

There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead trapped on an island and the nearest land was 50 miles away. The redhead swam to land but only made it 15 miles then drowned. The brunette swam 24 miles and then drowned. The blonde swam 25 miles but then got tired so swam back to … Read more

A husband and… - Blonde jokes - A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."

A husband and…

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce … Read more

A blind guy… - Blonde jokes - A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is six foot two, weighs 225, and he’s a rugby player. The fella to your right is six foot five, pushing 300, and he’s a wrestler. Each one of us is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times."

A blind guy…

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I’m a six foot tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting … Read more

One blonde was… - Blonde jokes - One blonde was on one side of the river and there was another blonde on the other side of the river. One blonde yells to the other blonde, "How do you get to the other side?" and the other blonde yells back, "You are on the other side!"

One blonde was…

One blonde was on one side of the river and there was another blonde on the other side of the river. One blonde yells to the other blonde, “How do you get to the other side?” and the other blonde yells back, “You are on the other side!”

One day a… - Blonde jokes - One day a blonde went into the library and asked the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?" The librarian replied, "This is the library." Then blonde whispered, "Oh. Can I have a burger and fries?"

One day a…

One day a blonde went into the library and asked the librarian, “Can I have a burger and fries?” The librarian replied, “This is the library.” Then blonde whispered, “Oh. Can I have a burger and fries?”

Two blondes walk… - Blonde jokes - Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, "This girl looks so familiar, but I can't remember where I know her from." The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, "It's me you idiot!"

Two blondes walk…

Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, “This girl looks so familiar, but I can’t remember where I know her from.” The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, … Read more

Four blondes are… - Blonde jokes - Four blondes are ordering a few rounds of drinks. Each time they get up, they toast and say, "14 weeks," then they down their drinks. The bartender finally asks the blondes, "What's the deal?" One blonde says, "Well, we bought a boxed puzzle. It said 'two to six years,' and we did it in 14 weeks!"

Four blondes are…

Four blondes are ordering a few rounds of drinks. Each time they get up, they toast and say, “14 weeks,” then they down their drinks. The bartender finally asks the blondes, “What’s the deal?” One blonde says, “Well, we bought a boxed puzzle. It said ‘two to six years,’ and we did it in 14 … Read more

A blonde drove… - Blonde jokes - A blonde drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read "1 Hour Only," but she wanted 2 hours to shop so she parked across 2 spaces.

A blonde drove…

A blonde drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read “1 Hour Only,” but she wanted 2 hours to shop so she parked across 2 spaces.

A blond girl… - Blonde jokes - A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it. The policemen asked, "Did you see the guy that did it?" She said, "No, but I got the license plate."

A blond girl…

A blond girl was at the store, and just as she was heading for her car, someone stole it. The policemen asked, “Did you see the guy that did it?” She said, “No, but I got the license plate.”

A blonde really… - Blonde jokes - A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe."

A blonde really…

A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, “I’m hanging myself because I’m tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!” Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on … Read more

Did you hear… - Blonde jokes - Did you hear about the near‑tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage and eight blondes were stuck on the escalators for more than four hours.

Did you hear…

Did you hear about the near‑tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage and eight blondes were stuck on the escalators for more than four hours.

A blonde and… - Blonde jokes - A blonde and a brunette were in the car when the brunette asked the blonde to tell her if the turn signal is working. The blonde leans out of the car and replies, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No..."

A blonde and…

A blonde and a brunette were in the car when the brunette asked the blonde to tell her if the turn signal is working. The blonde leans out of the car and replies, “Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No…”

A blonde, a… - Blonde jokes - A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

A blonde, a…

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, “I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram.” … Read more

A blonde goes… - Blonde jokes - A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

A blonde goes…

A blonde goes to the doctor’s and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what’s wrong. She replies, “I know who the dad is for one of them but I don’t know who the dad is for the other one!”

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

A blonde is…

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!” Confused, he replies, “Yes Dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.” After a few minutes, the … Read more

Two bored casino... - Blonde jokes - Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching."

Two bored casino…

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, “I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.” With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and … Read more

A police officer… - Blonde jokes - A police officer sees a blonde woman crying under a street lamp on the sidewalk. He asks her what's wrong and if there's anything he can do to help. The blonde replies, "I lost my wedding ring." The officer asks, "Okay, where did you drop it?" The blonde says, "About a block away, but the light is better here."

A police officer…

A police officer sees a blonde woman crying under a street lamp on the sidewalk. He asks her what’s wrong and if there’s anything he can do to help. The blonde replies, “I lost my wedding ring.” The officer asks, “Okay, where did you drop it?” The blonde says, “About a block away, but the … Read more

A blonde, redhead… - Blonde jokes - A blonde, redhead, and a brunette were thinking about what they would do if they went to space. The redhead said, "I would adopt a martian." The brunette said, "I would give Pluto some steroids." The Blonde said, "I would go to the sun." The redhead replied, "But you would burn up and die." The blonde responded, "Not if I went at night."

A blonde, redhead…

A blonde, redhead, and a brunette were thinking about what they would do if they went to space. The redhead said, “I would adopt a martian.” The brunette said, “I would give Pluto some steroids.” The Blonde said, “I would go to the sun.” The redhead replied, “But you would burn up and die.” The … Read more

A blonde, a… - Blonde jokes - A blonde, a fat brunette, and a skinny redhead find a magic mirror. If you lie to the mirror you die. The redhead says, "I look fat," and dies. The brunette says, " I look skinny," and dies. The blonde says, "I think..." and dies.

A blonde, a…

A blonde, a fat brunette, and a skinny redhead find a magic mirror. If you lie to the mirror you die. The redhead says, “I look fat,” and dies. The brunette says, ” I look skinny,” and dies. The blonde says, “I think…” and dies.

A police officer… - Blonde jokes - A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."

A police officer…

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”

A blonde sees… - Blonde jokes - A blonde sees a thermos in a store. She asks a clerk, "What is that and what's it for?" The clerk answers, "It's a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde says, "I'll take it." When she gets to work, her blonde boss asks, "What is that?" The blonde worker says, "It's a thermos. It keeps cold things cold and hot things hot." "Whatcha got in it?" "A cup of coffee and a Popsicle."

A blonde sees…

A blonde sees a thermos in a store. She asks a clerk, “What is that and what’s it for?” The clerk answers, “It’s a thermos that keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.” The blonde says, “I’ll take it.” When she gets to work, her blonde boss asks, “What is that?” The blonde worker … Read more

A blonde and… - Blonde jokes - A blonde and brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why she had a rope tied around her waist. The blonde answered that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, "You're supposed to put the rope around your neck." The blonde replied, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe!"

A blonde and…

A blonde and brunette are living together. The brunette came home from work one day and the blonde had a rope around her waist. The brunette asked why she had a rope tied around her waist. The blonde answered that she was trying to commit suicide. The brunette said, “You’re supposed to put the rope … Read more

There was a… - Blonde jokes - There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.

There was a…

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, “I’ve had it up to here with … Read more

A blonde came… - Blonde jokes - A blonde came up to the librarian & yelled, "This book sucks! There's way too many characters & the story makes no sense!" The librarian said, "So you're the one who took our phone book."

A blonde came…

A blonde came up to the librarian & yelled, “This book sucks! There’s way too many characters & the story makes no sense!” The librarian said, “So you’re the one who took our phone book.”

A blonde decided… - Blonde jokes - A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, "Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?" She replied, "The can said for best results apply 2 coats."

A blonde decided…

A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, “Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?” She replied, “The can said for best results apply 2 coats.”

A blonde walks… - Blonde jokes - A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the salesclerk. "Well, they feel a bit tight," replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," offers the clerk. “Nath, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth,” the blonde replies.

A blonde walks…

A blonde walks into a shoe store and tries on a pair of shoes. “How do they feel?” asks the salesclerk. “Well, they feel a bit tight,” replies the blonde. The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and the blonde’s feet. “Try pulling the tongue out,” offers the clerk. “Nath, … Read more

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde's neighbor's house was on fire so she called 911. The blonde told the operator, "My neighbor's house is on fire!" The operator asked, "Where are you?" The blonde answered, "At my house." The operator replied, "No, I'm asking how do we get there?" The blonde said, "In a firetruck, duh!"

A blonde is…

A blonde’s neighbor’s house was on fire so she called 911. The blonde told the operator, “My neighbor’s house is on fire!” The operator asked, “Where are you?” The blonde answered, “At my house.” The operator replied, “No, I’m asking how do we get there?” The blonde said, “In a firetruck, duh!”

A blonde, a… - Blonde jokes - A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison. They committed a crime and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and kill them. The brunette is called up. She says, "Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette runs away. Once regrouped, the redhead is summoned. She says, "Ready, aim, earthquake!" Fooled again, the police quickly turn around to get cover while the redhead runs away. Then it's the blonde's turn, who says, "Ready, aim, fire!"

A blonde, a…

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison. They committed a crime and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and kill them. The brunette is called up. She says, “Ready, aim, tornado!” Afraid of an approaching … Read more

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde is driving down a countryside road when she sees another blonde in a rowboat trying to row her way through a field. The blonde in the car yells out "it is blondes like you that give us a bad name and I would come over there and give you a piece of my mind if i could swim.

A blonde is…

A blonde is driving down a countryside road when she sees another blonde in a rowboat trying to row her way through a field. The blonde in the car yells out “it is blondes like you that give us a bad name and I would come over there and give you a piece of my … Read more

Three blondes girls… - Blonde jokes - Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, "Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said, "No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.

Three blondes girls…

Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said, “Look, it’s deer tracks.” The second one said, “No, it’s wolf tracks” and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.

A vetriloquist… - Blonde jokes - A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

A vetriloquist…

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins … Read more

A guy was… - Blonde jokes - A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..."

A guy was…

A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you'll lose at least five pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, "That's amazing! Did you follow my diet?" The blonde nods. "I thought I was going to drop dead every third day from all the skipping!"

A blonde is…

A blonde is overweight so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day and repeat for two weeks and you’ll lose at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. The doctor exclaims, “That’s amazing! Did you follow my … Read more

There's a blond… - Blonde jokes - There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."

There’s a blond…

There’s a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They’re going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don’t work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don’t work and they will drive off the side of the … Read more

One day, a… - Blonde jokes - One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned. The doctor asked, "What happened?" The blonde said, "Well, I was ironing my husband's shirt until the phone rang. I picked it up and half my face was burnt!" The doctor replied, "What about the other half?" The blonde answered, "They called back."

One day, a…

One day, a blonde went to the doctor with both sides of her face burned. The doctor asked, “What happened?” The blonde said, “Well, I was ironing my husband’s shirt until the phone rang. I picked it up and half my face was burnt!” The doctor replied, “What about the other half?” The blonde answered, … Read more

A blonde asked… - Blonde jokes - A blonde asked her coworker, "Do you have any kids?" "Yes," she replied. "I have one child that's just under two." The blonde said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

A blonde asked…

A blonde asked her coworker, “Do you have any kids?” “Yes,” she replied. “I have one child that’s just under two.” The blonde said, “I might be blonde, but I know how many one is.”

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, "Woof woof!" The cop thinks it's a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, "Meow meow!" The cop believes it's a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, "Potato potato!"

A blonde is…

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, “Woof woof!” The cop thinks it’s a dog, … Read more

A blonde, a… - Blonde jokes - A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

A blonde, a…

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was … Read more

A blonde, brunette… - Blonde jokes - A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.

A blonde, brunette…

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.

A blonde goes… - Blonde jokes - A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, "Can't you see I'm winning?"

A blonde goes…

A blonde goes to a soda machine. She puts in a dollar and gets a soda. She does this again and again. A man in line behind her asks why she is taking so long. She says, “Can’t you see I’m winning?”

A blonde, a… - Blonde jokes - A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving in a truck. The brunette and redhead are in the cab and the blonde is in the back. They accidentally drive off a bridge into water. The brunette and redhead get out and swim to the surface and wait for the blonde. After a few minutes the blonde surfaces and the other two ask, "What took so long?" The blonde replies, "I couldn't get the tailgate down."

A blonde, a…

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette are driving in a truck. The brunette and redhead are in the cab and the blonde is in the back. They accidentally drive off a bridge into water. The brunette and redhead get out and swim to the surface and wait for the blonde. After a few minutes … Read more

A blonde goes… - Blonde jokes - A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. "No!" yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, "Well, why the hell not?" The blonde says, "Because I wanna stay up here with you!"

A blonde goes…

A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat. “No!” yells the blonde. Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again. “For the last time, no!” says the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asks, … Read more

A blonde police… - Blonde jokes - A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver and says, "You failed to stop at the red light. Let me see your driver's licence." The blonde asks, "What does that look like?" The blonde cop answers, "It is rectangular and has your picture on it." The blonde looks around inside her purse and mistakes her mirror for the license. When she hands it to the blonde officer, he looks at it and replies, "Oh, I didn't know you were also an officer. You can go!"

A blonde police…

A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver and says, “You failed to stop at the red light. Let me see your driver’s licence.” The blonde asks, “What does that look like?” The blonde cop answers, “It is rectangular and has your picture on it.” The blonde looks around inside her purse and mistakes … Read more

A blonde is… - Blonde jokes - A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, "Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident." The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "That's horrible!" Confused, he replies, "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved." After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, "How many is a Brazilian?"

A blonde is…

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, “Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.” The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, “That’s horrible!” Confused, he replies, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.” After a few minutes, the … Read more

A blonde goes… - Blonde jokes - A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?" The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV, it's a microwave!"

A blonde goes…

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, … Read more

I was at… - Blonde jokes - I was at school when a blonde student asked me what letter comes after "X" in the alphabet. I replied "Y". She then got mad, called me a prick and said "because I need to know that is why".

I was at…

I was at school when a blonde student asked me what letter comes after “X” in the alphabet. I replied “Y”. She then got mad, called me a prick and said “because I need to know that is why”.

Q: Did you… - Blonde jokes - Q: Did you hear about the new blonde-made Inventions? A: Solar Powered Flashlights, Helicopter Ejection Seats, and the Submarine Screen Door.

Q: Did you…

Q: Did you hear about the new blonde-made Inventions? A: Solar Powered Flashlights, Helicopter Ejection Seats, and the Submarine Screen Door.

A blonde woman… - Blonde jokes - A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."

A blonde woman…

A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in … Read more

A brunette goes… - Blonde jokes - A brunette goes into a doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. "Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me." She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes her scream with pain. The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, "No, I dyed my hair. I'm naturally blonde." "I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

A brunette goes…

A brunette goes into a doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. “Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.” She takes her finger, presses on her elbow, and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams, and so it goes on; everywhere she touches makes … Read more

A blone was… - Blonde jokes - A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?" The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!" The cop looked at her and said, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener!"

A blone was…

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, “Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?” The blonde said, “I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and … Read more

They all decide… - Blonde jokes - They all decide that one person should get off because if they don't, the rope will break and everyone will die. Noone can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech ending with the words "I'll get off". The blondes are all very moved by her speech and start clapping. Problem solved.

They all decide…

They all decide that one person should get off because if they don’t, the rope will break and everyone will die. Noone can decide who should go, so finally the brunette delivers a very touching speech ending with the words “I’ll get off”. The blondes are all very moved by her speech and start clapping. … Read more

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