My friend said… - Dark humor jokes - My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It's a good thing he drives a Civic.

My friend said…

My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.
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I have good… - Dark humor jokes - I have good and bad news, the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."

I have good…

I have good and bad news, the doctor said to his patient. “Give me the good news first,” the patient said. “Your test results are back,” the doctor said, “and you have only two days to live.” “That’s the good news?” the patient exclaimed. “What’s the bad news?” “I’ve been trying to reach you for … Read more
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They say that… - Dark humor jokes - They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

They say that…

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
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Hey you! Funny pickup lines? you can find here. Use at your own risk!
The world has… - Dark humor jokes - The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors.

The world has…

The world has turned upside down. Old folks are sneaking out of the house, and their kids are yelling at them to stay indoors.
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What do my… - Dark humor jokes - What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.

What do my…

What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
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Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I washed my…

I washed my hands so much because of COVID-19 that my exam notes from 1995 resurfaced.
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Do you know all Knock Knock jokes? Try it out!
Best Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

What’s the last…

What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.
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Funniest Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

A doctor walks…

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, “I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.” The patient asks him, “Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him and says, “Nine.”
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Top Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I’m sorry and…

I’m sorry and “I apologise” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
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Check out our Chuck Norris jokes? Quickly! Before Chuck Norris finds out!
Funny Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

My wife and…

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. “She obviously has COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. My wife replied with a sneer, “Because she has no taste.”
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Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

Why was the…

Why was the leper hockey game canceled? There was a face off in the corner.
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Best Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

What’s the difference…

What’s the difference between a wizard who raises the undead and a sexy vampire? One is a necromancer and the other is a neck romancer.
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Blonde jokes, who doesn't know them, but have you heard these?
Funniest Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

When ordering food…

When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. “Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
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Top Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

What’s the difference…

What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato? About 140 calories.
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Funny Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

When does a…

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
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Funny sayings? for any occasion, here you will find them.
Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

What’s your name…

What’s your name, son? The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”
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Best Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

Welcome back to…

Welcome back to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today!
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Funniest Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I have a…

I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.
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funny dad jokes, at your own risk!
Top Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

If you donate…

If you donate one kidney, everybody loves you, and you’re a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling. Sheesh!
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Funny Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I just got…

I just got my doctor’s test results and I’m really upset. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.
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Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I’ll never forget…

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”
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You like it short and sweet? Perfect! Here come our Jokes One Liners!
Best Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

What’s the difference…

What’s the difference between jelly and jam? You can’t jelly a clown into the tiny car.
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Funniest Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I took my…

I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning. Being a sniper is awesome.
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Top Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

My girlfriend’s dog…

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
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Anyone who likes dark humor jokes has a high IQ and is damn good looking too!
Funny Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I was digging…

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
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Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I like to…

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with old men in the park. It’s not easy. You try finding thirty-two old guys.
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Best Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

My parents raised…

My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger brother.
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No more good punchlines! Here come our anti jokes!
Funniest Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

So a guy…

So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.” Man: “How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone.””
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Top Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I was in…

I was in Russia listening to a stand-up comedian making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I liked the execution.
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Funny Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

As I get…

As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
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Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

I work with…

I work with animals, the guy says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies. “I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?” “I’m a butcher,” he says.
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Best Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

What’s worse than…

What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
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Funniest Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

My grief counselor…

My grief counselor died the other day. He was so good at his job, I don’t even care.
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Top Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

Imagine if you…

Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
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Funny Dark Humor Jokes | Witze.TV

Two grandmothers were…

Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”
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My favorite novel… - Dark humor jokes - My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.

My favorite novel…

My favorite novel is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
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My therapist told… - Dark humor jokes - My therapist told me "Time heals all wounds", so I stabbed him. Now we wait...

My therapist told…

My therapist told me “Time heals all wounds”, so I stabbed him. Now we wait…
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Where exactly are… - Dark humor jokes - Where exactly are you taking me, doctor? the patient asked. "To the morgue," the doctor replied. "What?" The patient panicked. "But I'm not dead yet!" "And we're not there yet," the doctor said.

Where exactly are…

Where exactly are you taking me, doctor? the patient asked. “To the morgue,” the doctor replied. “What?” The patient panicked. “But I’m not dead yet!” “And we’re not there yet,” the doctor said.
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What does my… - Dark humor jokes - What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.

What does my…

What does my dad have in common with Nemo? They both can’t be found.
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Two hunters are… - Dark humor jokes - Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. "My friend isn't breathing," he shouts into the phone. "What should I do?" "Relax," the operator tells him. "I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on the phone and says, "OK, now what?"

Two hunters are…

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. His hunting buddy immediately calls 911. “My friend isn’t breathing,” he shouts into the phone. “What should I do?” “Relax,” the operator tells him. “I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There’s silence, and then a gunshot. The guy gets back on … Read more
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Give a man… - Dark humor jokes - Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Give a man…

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
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It's important to… - Dark humor jokes - It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words 'antidote' and 'anecdote,' one of my good friends would still be alive.

It’s important to…

It’s important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words ‘antidote’ and ‘anecdote,’ one of my good friends would still be alive.
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My wife told… - Dark humor jokes - <p>My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's öghöoawirghäkanfgdvläyioxhboösa<infö
</p>

My wife told…

My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer. I’m not too worried, I think she’s öghöoawirghäkanfgdvläyioxhboösa
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Did you hear… - Dark humor jokes - Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He's all right now!

Did you hear…

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He’s all right now!
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I just read… - Dark humor jokes - I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.

I just read…

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
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I don't have… - Dark humor jokes - I don't have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.

I don’t have…

I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
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A kid decided… - Dark humor jokes - A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

A kid decided…

A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”
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My wife left… - Dark humor jokes - My wife left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what she's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!

My wife left…

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine!
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I never thought… - Dark humor jokes - I never thought the comment "I wouldn't touch him/her with a six-foot pole" would become a national policy, but here we are!

I never thought…

I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch him/her with a six-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
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A man walks… - Dark humor jokes - A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut me down," the tree complains. "I'm a talking tree!" The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

A man walks…

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. “You can’t cut me down,” the tree complains. “I’m a talking tree!” The man responds, “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
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