What do you do if a dog chews your dictionary? Take the words right out of his mouth!
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? A golden receiver!
I took my dog to the vet. She said “He’s a little overweight” I said I wanted a second opinion. She replied “He’s also pretty cute”
What happened when the dog swallowed a firefly? He smiled with de-light!
Why did the dog chase the red cape? Because he was a bull dog.
Two men are talking about animals. One says to the other, ‘I know of a dog worth $10,000.’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Who would have thought a dog could save so much.’
Which dog breed is guaranteed to laugh at all of your jokes? A Chi-ha-ha!
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi cabs!
What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog? Dingo Starr.
For sale: Eight puppies from a German shepherd and an Alaskan hussy.
Why do Dog Vampires believe everything you tell them? Because their suckers!
Why was the dog stealing shingles? He wanted to become a woofer!
What’s the difference between a businessman and a hot dog? The businessman wears a suit but the dog just pants.
What type of zoo has only a dog? Shih Tzu
What did the skeleton say to the puppy? Bonappetite
What happened when the dog went to the flea circus? He stole the show!
Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? Because you can’t bury them in trees!
What do you call a dog that’s been out in the cold? A pupsicle!
Why aren’t dogs good dancers? A. Because they have two left feet!
How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your backyard!
What’s a dog’s favorite dessert? Pupcakes!
What has 4,000 eyes and 8,000 legs? Two thousand dogs.
Why can’t dogs work the DVD remote? Because they always hit the paws button!
Why did the dog sleep under a car? Cause he wanted to wake up oily!
Why shouldnt you bring your farty dog to an Apple store? Because they dont have windows!
What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler? Anything you like, just very quietly.
How do dogs eat spaghetti? The same way everyone else does, they put it in their mouths!
Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings? It’s hardly ever for them.
What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
After a talking Sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the Sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”
What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodledoo!
Which dog breed absolutely LOVES living in the city? A New Yorkie!
What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound!
What kind of dog did Dracula have? A bloodhound.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast food? Pooched eggs!
What dog can jump higher than a building? Any dog because buildings can’t jump.
What do you get when you cross a racing dog with a bumblebee? A greyhound buzz!
What kind of dog chases anything red? A Bulldog.
At a dinner party a Pug farts. The king charles turns to him and says “How dare you fart in front of me!” The pug replies “Im sorry, I didnt realize it was your turn!”
How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied!
What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodledoo!
What did the waiter say to the dog when he brought out her food? Bone appetit!
Did you hear about the dog who invented the knock knock joke? She won the no-bell prize!
How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
Why are there Dalmatians on fire engines? To help the firefighters find the nearest fire hydrant.
What did the dog say when he sat on some sandpaper? That’s ruffffffff!!
What do you get if you cross a dog and an airplane? A jet setter.
What does my dog and my phone have in common? They both have collar I.D.
What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog? Dingo Starr!
What do you do when you find a 250 pound dog sleeping on your bed? Quietly go sleep on the sofa.