To the guy… - Funny sayings - To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.

To the guy…

To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
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Got a new… - Funny sayings - Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.

Got a new…

Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.
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I'd take a… - Funny sayings - I'd take a nerf bullet for you.

I’d take a…

I’d take a nerf bullet for you.
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Hey you! Funny pickup lines? you can find here. Use at your own risk!
Don't ask me… - Funny sayings - Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

Don’t ask me…

Don’t ask me anything, and I won’t tell you any lies.
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The ideal man… - Funny sayings - The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

The ideal man…

The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.
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You are so… - Funny sayings - You are so fake, even China doesn’t want to be associated with you.

You are so…

You are so fake, even China doesn’t want to be associated with you.
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Do you know all Knock Knock jokes? Try it out!
I'm so old… - Funny sayings - I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.

I’m so old…

I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.
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I solemnly swear… - Funny sayings - I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

I solemnly swear…

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
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Smile today, tomorrow… - Funny sayings - Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.

Smile today, tomorrow…

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.
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Check out our Chuck Norris jokes? Quickly! Before Chuck Norris finds out!
I love ordering… - Funny sayings - I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me.

I love ordering…

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.
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The most important… - Funny sayings - The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

The most important…

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it’s having the phone number of somebody who does!
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The road to… - Funny sayings - The road to success is always under construction.

The road to…

The road to success is always under construction.
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Blonde jokes, who doesn't know them, but have you heard these?
Listen, smile, agree… - Funny sayings - Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.

Listen, smile, agree…

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.
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Everyone has photographic… - Funny sayings - Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

Everyone has photographic…

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.
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If I'm silent… - Funny sayings - If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.

If I’m silent…

If I’m silent it’s because there’s thunder inside me. Or I’m just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.
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Funny sayings? for any occasion, here you will find them.
What rhymes with… - Funny sayings - What rhymes with zoo and smells bad? You.

What rhymes with…

What rhymes with zoo and smells bad? You.
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Here, have a… - Funny sayings - Here, have a tissue. There’s still a bit of bullshit left on your mouth.

Here, have a…

Here, have a tissue. There’s still a bit of bullshit left on your mouth.
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Don’t vacuum… - Funny sayings - Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.

Don’t vacuum…

Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.
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funny dad jokes, at your own risk!
A balanced diet… - Funny sayings - A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

A balanced diet…

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
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I don't need… - Funny sayings - I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I don’t need…

I don’t need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
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My relationship is… - Funny sayings - My relationship is like an iPad. I don't have an iPad.

My relationship is…

My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.
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You like it short and sweet? Perfect! Here come our Jokes One Liners!
Don't tell me… - Funny sayings - Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

Don’t tell me…

Don’t tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
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You can hide… - Funny sayings - You can hide from cake. But cake can’t hide from you.

You can hide…

You can hide from cake. But cake can’t hide from you.
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I would like… - Funny sayings - I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

I would like…

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
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Anyone who likes dark humor jokes has a high IQ and is damn good looking too!
I had loads… - Funny sayings - I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.

I had loads…

I had loads to do today. Ah well, so now I have loads to do tomorrow.
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Just you keep… - Funny sayings - Just you keep on talking, for sure someday you’ll say something intelligent.

Just you keep…

Just you keep on talking, for sure someday you’ll say something intelligent.
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Doing nothing is… - Funny sayings - Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you're done.

Doing nothing is…

Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
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No more good punchlines! Here come our anti jokes!
I hate mosquitoes… - Funny sayings - I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.

I hate mosquitoes…

I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don’t give out free samples.
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I like to… - Funny sayings - I like to be an optimist. It pisses people off.

I like to…

I like to be an optimist. It pisses people off.
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If you want… - Funny sayings - If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.

If you want…

If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
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Do you remember… - Funny sayings - Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That’s right, me neither.

Do you remember…

Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That’s right, me neither.
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Never test how… - Funny sayings - Never test how deep the water is with both feet.

Never test how…

Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
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Fart when people… - Funny sayings - Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.

Fart when people…

Fart when people hug you. You’ll make them feel strong.
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Experience is a… - Funny sayings - Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.

Experience is a…

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
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Finally, the spring… - Funny sayings - Finally, the spring is here! I'm so thrilled I wet my plants.

Finally, the spring…

Finally, the spring is here! I’m so thrilled I wet my plants.
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If your wife… - Funny sayings - If your wife wants to learn how to drive, you better not be standing in her way.

If your wife…

If your wife wants to learn how to drive, you better not be standing in her way.
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Don't worry if… - Funny sayings - Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

Don’t worry if…

Don’t worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet.
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As long as… - Funny sayings - As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.

As long as…

As long as cocoa beans grow on trees, chocolate is fruit to me.
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I would like… - Funny sayings - I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven’t offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.

I would like…

I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven’t offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
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I am an… - Funny sayings - I am an example to others. A bad example.

I am an…

I am an example to others. A bad example.
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A balanced diet… - Funny sayings - A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

A balanced diet…

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
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Life is short… - Funny sayings - Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.

Life is short…

Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.
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If someone says… - Funny sayings - If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.

If someone says…

If someone says “Who are you gonna call?” and your instinct is to say “Ghostbusters” then I probably don’t want to know you.
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I finally realized… - Funny sayings - I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones... that's why it's called a "cell" phone.

I finally realized…

I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone.
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If you see… - Funny sayings - If you see nothing you could be grateful for, check your pulse.

If you see…

If you see nothing you could be grateful for, check your pulse.
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A good mood… - Funny sayings - A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.

A good mood…

A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
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Doesn’t expecting… - Funny sayings - Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?

Doesn’t expecting…

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
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Singing in the… - Funny sayings - Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Singing in the…

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
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Every rule has… - Funny sayings - Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.

Every rule has…

Every rule has an exception. This rule is no exception.
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If you had… - Funny sayings - If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?

If you had…

If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
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