Funny sayings
Funny sayings keep showing us in a comedic way that we are all in the same boat. We go through similar things in this crazy life, be it the feeling when the alarm clock goes off on Monday morning, the coffee has run out, in love, at work, it’s the same everywhere.
Do you know someone who always works perfectly? We don’t know anyone, and that’s a good thing, otherwise it would be boring.
A good saying conjures up a smile on our faces or makes us nod our heads knowingly: “Ah yes, I know all too well!”
Often wisdom is skillfully combined with humor and that can really sweeten our day. A funny saying can accompany us all day, we can remember again and again and put ourselves in a good mood.
With funny sayings you can do everything, spice up your presentation, shine on social media or simply cheer up your friends.
Because that is good: Laughter is the best medicine for the soul and releases a lot of endorphins.
Funny sayings are a welcome distraction from everyday life, as inspiration, or to pause for a moment.
Treat yourself to a short, intense break from laughing, laugh again heartily at these effusions, you often recognize yourself in these sayings, which is probably why they are so popular.
The ideal man…
The ideal man doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t do drugs, doesn’t swear, doesn’t get angry, doesn’t exist.
I’m so old…
I’m so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-toe on top of it.
I love ordering…
I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.
The most important…
The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it’s having the phone number of somebody who does!
If I’m silent…
If I’m silent it’s because there’s thunder inside me. Or I’m just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.
Don’t vacuum…
Don’t vacuum and listen to loud music on your headphones in the same time. I finished three rooms until I realized the vacuum wasn’t even on.
Sometimes I pretend…
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
A true optimist…
A true optimist is the guy who falls off a skyscraper and after 50 floors thinks to himself – well, so far so good!
Before my first…
Before my first cup of coffee I hate everybody. That doesn’t change after I’ve had that coffee, but it feels much better.
Laughter is like…
Laughter is like a windshield wiper, it doesn’t stop the rain but allows us to keep going.
I would like…
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.
I hate mosquitoes…
I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don’t give out free samples.
If you want…
If you want someone who will listen to you every time, do everything you tell them to do, and always be there for you for better or for worse, get a dog.
Do you remember…
Do you remember when I asked you to give me your opinion? That’s right, me neither.
Experience is a…
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
I would like…
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven’t offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly.
If someone says…
If someone says “Who are you gonna call?” and your instinct is to say “Ghostbusters” then I probably don’t want to know you.
I finally realized…
I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called a “cell” phone.
Singing in the…
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
If you had…
If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate, would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
I’m not clumsy…
I’m not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
Dance like nobody…
Dance like nobody is watching, because they are not, they are all checking their phones.
The worst part…
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.
Stupidity is far…
Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it’s limits.
It takes real…
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills.
If we ever…
If we ever travel far in the universe to another planet with intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Two mysterious people…
Two mysterious people live in my house. “Somebody” and “Nobody.” Somebody did it and nobody knows who.
Once I started…
Once I started to read between the lines, I realized that all books were really the same.
If a philosopher…
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
A jellyfish has…
A jellyfish has existed as a species for 500 million years, surviving just fine without a brain. That gives hope to quite a few people.
If you ever…
If you ever get an email about pork, ham, salt, and preservatives, don’t open it. It’s spam
Girls want a…
Girls want a lot from one guy. On the other hand, a guy only wants one thing from a lot of girls.
After twelve years…
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, “No hablo ingles.”
Me and my…
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
If you were…
If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes.
If I say…
If I say “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared research, data, charts and I will totally prove you wrong.
I’m gonna order…
I’m gonna order a pizza 5 minutes before the new year, then when it arrives I’ll say I ordered this last year.
It’s better to…
It’s better to shut up and give the impression that you’re stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.
Dear automatic flushing…
Dear automatic flushing toilet… I appreciate the enthusiasm, but I wasn’t done yet.
I’m not clumsy…
I’m not clumsy, The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way.
Birthdays are good…
Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest.
I hate it…
I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.
When you have…
When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.
The older I…
The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.
If you don’t…
If you don’t like me, remember it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind and you don’t matter.
Just because it’s…
Just because it’s called makeup, it doesn’t mean it should make up 100% of your face.
It is important…
It is important to make breaks between individual exercises. I personally stick to breaks of about 3-4 years.
If a man…
If a man said he’ll fix it, he’ll fix it. There is no need to nag him every 6 months about it.
It doesn’t matter…
It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.