Jokes About Farts: A Guide to the Art of Tooting Your Own Horn

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to talk about one of the most timeless and universal forms of humor – jokes about farts. Yes, you heard that right. Fart jokes have been making people laugh since the dawn of time, and for good reason. They’re silly, lighthearted, and guaranteed to bring a smile to anyone’s face. So let’s get ready to toot our own horns and celebrate the art of fart jokes!

A Brief History of Fart Jokes

Fart jokes have been a part of human humor for centuries. From the ancient Greeks and Romans, to Shakespearean plays, to the modern-day sitcom, fart jokes have stood the test of time. It’s no secret that people love a good, silly joke, and fart jokes are the perfect example of this.

  • Why do you have to watch out for ninjas’ farts? They’re silent — but deadly.
  • What’s invisible and smells like carrots? A bunny fart!
  • What happens when you make a bean and onion casserole? Tear gas.
  • What do you call a ghost fart? A spirit bomb.
  • I didn’t fart… My butt likes you so much it blew a kiss.
  • How would you biologically describe a fart? It is a kiss from the intestines.
  • Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop. One fly farts and the other fly cries, “Hey! I’m trying to eat here!”
  • Why won’t the skeleton fart in public? He doesn’t have the guts.
  • What is invisible and smells like worms? A bird’s fart.
  • What’s the ideal weight of a fart? Zero pounds. If it’s anything more, you’re in trouble.
  • Why did the man stop telling fart jokes? He was told that his jokes stink.
  • Why did everyone notice when Bill Gates farted in the Apple store? Because they didn’t have any Windows.
  • Farts are like children. You don’t mind your own, but you can’t stand other people’s.
  • Do you know what’s scary? Attempting your first fart after having diarrhea.
  • I got fired from my job delivering leaflets on flatulence awareness. Unfortunately, I let one rip.
  • What do you get when an aristocrat farts? A noble gas.
  • I just rang the Incontinence Hotline. The woman said, “Can you hold, please?”
  • I farted at work yesterday, and my coworker opened the window. It must have been bad — we’re flight attendants.
  • My partner said he wanted to heat things up in bed. So I farted under the sheets.
  • I didn’t fart in front of my partner until we got married. Her family wasn’t too impressed.
  • An old married couple is at a concert one Friday night, when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?” The husband tells her, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”
  • A fart is like success. It only bothers you when it’s not your own.
  • If you farted while traveling at the speed of sound, would you smell it before you heard it? Why did the chicken cross the road?
  • She didn’t want the other chickens to notice that she farted. Did you hear the one about the blind and heartbroken skunk?
  • She fell in love with a fart. Universal Pictures
  • Farting on an elevator is probably the worst thing you can do. It’s just wrong on so many levels.
  • Why did the fart miss graduation? It got expelled.
  • What do you call someone who only farts alone at home? A private tutor.
  • What did the menstrual pad write on the “thank you” note to the fart? You are the wind beneath my wings.
  • Why is it a bad idea to fart in church? Because you have to sit in your own pew.
  • What are gassy surfers afraid of the most? A shart attack.
  • Why is love like a fart? If you have to force it, it’s probably shit.
  • Laugh and the world laughs with you. Fart and the world stops laughing.
  • Why do farts smell? So that deaf people can enjoy them too.
  • What do you call a dinosaur fart? A blast from the past!
  • Why does everyone always think Piglet farted? He plays with Pooh!
  • I just farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money.
  • What do you call a cow’s fart? Dairy air.
  • How can you tell when a moth farts? It flies in a straight line.
  • Some people might say that fart jokes are immature, but I assure you, there’s a methane to the madness.
  • What did one pharaoh say to the other when they both farted? “We have a toot in common.”
  • When I was a kid, every time my dad farted, he denied it. It wasn’t until years later that I realized he had been gaslighting me.
  • When is a fart joke acceptable? When it doesn’t stink!
  • Hookers don’t fart. They let out prosti-toots.
  • What’s the difference between a pun and a fart? A pun is a shift of wit.
  • How does NASA pass gass? They fart using their ass-teroids.
  • Why was there a fart on Kickstarter? It just needed some gas.
  • If you fart in public, just yell “jet power!” Then, walk faster.
  • Fart jokes are funny, but eye jokes are cornea.
  • How does a duck fart? With his ass-quack.
  • The best part about being a teacher is being able to fart freely at work and then watch the drama unfold as all the kids try to blame each other.
  • What did the poo say to the fart? You blow me away!
  • I used to tell a lot of jokes about farting until everybody told me that they stunk.
  • What is the smelliest type of jacket you can buy? A windbreaker.
  • I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like.
  • A human fart can be louder than a saxophone solo. I found that out at my daughters school concert.
  • Two fly’s are standing on a piece of dog crap having their breakfast when all of a sudden the first fly farts. The second one says to him „do you mind! I am eating my breakfast here!“
  • What is invisible and has the distinct scent of old worms? Bird farts.

The Many Forms of Fart Jokes

Fart jokes come in all shapes and sizes. From classic one-liners to puns and more modern takes, there’s a fart joke for everyone. Some of the most popular categories include „Why did the fart cross the road?“ jokes, „What do you call a fart in a suit?“ jokes, and „Why did the fart go to the doctor?“ jokes. The options are truly endless!

  • What is the best measurement for a fart to weigh? Definitely zero grams, anything more and things start getting messy.
  • What is the definition of risky? Attempting to do a one cheek sneak when you are have had diarrhea earlier the same day.
  • I think I did the worst fart I have ever done this week. It was so bad that my co-worker had to open a window, that may not sound impressive at first but we are air hostesses.
  • My wife said that she wanted to heat things up between us in the bed. So I farted underneath the blankets.
  • What did the maxipad sing to the fart? You are the wind beneath my wings.
  • Why didn’t anyone laugh when the king farted? It was a noble gas.
  • Children are similar to farts, you can only put up with your own.
  • Who is the smelliest boxer of all time? Gassiess Clay.
  • Confusious Say “man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew”.
  • Hey, I never farted! My ass just blew you a kiss.
  • Why did no one laugh when the King farted in front of his court? Because noble gasses do not cause reactions.
  • Why are Apple Store employees never allowed to fart at work? They have no windows.
  • Why did the mechanic fart? The car he was working on just needed a little gas.
  • Why did the woman stop telling fart jokes? Everyone told her they stink.
  • Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels so good to fart.
  • What is invisible and smells like carrots? A rabbit fart.
  • What do you get when the Queen of England farts? A noble gas.
  • Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably crap.
  • How do you make a regular bath into a bubble bath? Eat beans for dinner.
  • If you farted while traveling at the speed of sound, Would you smell it before you heard it?
  • Why couldn’t the skeleton fart in front of his friends? He didn’t have the guts.
  • What do you call a dinosaur fart? A blast from the past.
  • Why should you never fart on an elevator? It’s wrong on so many levels.
  • Why did the man delivering fart awareness pamphlets get fired from his job? He let one rip.
  • Why doesn’t Chuck Norris fart? Because nothing escapes Chuck Norris.
  • What’s the definition of a surprise? A fart with a lump in it.

The Art of Telling Fart Jokes

Telling a good fart joke is all about timing and delivery. You have to keep a straight face, speak confidently, and sell the joke with conviction. And don’t forget the most important part – sound effects! Whether you opt for a classic „toot toot“ or a more elaborate „pffft pffft,“ sound effects can really make a fart joke soar.

  • What happened to the blind skunk? He fell in love with a fart.
  • Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They’re silent but deadly.
  • What happened to the man who only ate Skittles? He farted rainbows.
  • Did you just fart? Because you blew me away.
  • They say farts are like children, You don’t mind your own but can’t stand other people’s.
  • If pooping is a call of nature, what’s a fart? A missed call.
  • What do you call it when someone eats refried beans and onions? Tear gas.
  • Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it’s not their own.
  • How do you say “fart” in German? Farfrompoopin.
  • Why should you never fart in church? Because you’ll just have to sit in your pew.
  • What do you call it when someone has a ton of gas after eating? A fart attack.
  • Why do horses like to fart when they buck? Because they can’t achieve full horse power without gas.
  • What do you call it when you’re startled by a fart? Fartled.
  • You think you might have it rough? Think about how many farts a couch has to endure in silence.
  • Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken next to her farted.
  • What do you call a person who never farts in front of other people? A private tooter.#
  • What do you call a farting boxer? Gaseous Clay.
  • What do you call a cow’s fart? Dairy air.
  • What do you call a fart from a butt that’s fallen asleep? A snore.
  • What do you call a farting snowman? A snowblower.
  • What do you call it when you fart into a wallet? Gas money.
  • What kind of farts are surfers afraid of? Shart attacks.
  • What’s invisible and smells like worms? A bird’s fart.
  • How much should a fart weigh? Zero — anything more, and you’ve got bigger problems.
  • How can you tell when a moth farts? It flies in a straight line.
  • What do you call a ghost fart? A spirit bomb.
  • If I had a quarter for every time I farted in my life, I would have two. Which is not a lot, and I’m worried it’s only happened twice.
  • Why can’t Bill Gates fart at home? Because they had no windows.
  • What did the burp say to the other burp? Let’s be bad and come out the other side.
  • An eye, a nose, an ear, and a butt want to form a band. And the nose says, “If the butt sings, I’ll quit.”
  • Why did the butt band fail? Their music sounded like crap.
  • Farts are like books. We all prefer them if we are alone.
  • Farts are like math. Many of you hate them, but it’s necessary
  • Why don’t farts go to school? They’ve all been expelled.
  • What is a fart’s favorite cartoon? Rocket Power.
  • I don’t fart. I whisper in my underwear.
  • What is invisible and smells like dead grass? A goat’s fart.
  • How do you know a clown farted? It smells funny.
  • What’s invisible and smells like carrots? A bunny fart!
  • I was cold, so I wanted to heat up the bed. So I farted under the sheets.
  • How would you biologically describe a fart? It is a kiss from the intestines.
  • What is invisible and smells like dead grass? A goat’s fart.
  • Why do farts not perform well at school? The fart gets expelled.
  • Why are silent farts named ninja farts? They are quiet but fatal.
  • How do you know a clown farted? It smells funny.
  • What’s invisible and smells like carrots? A bunny fart!
  • What happens when you make a bean and onion casserole? Tear gas.
  • What do you call a ghost fart? A spirit bomb.
  • Do you know what’s scary? Attempting your first fart after having diarrhea
  • A fart is like success. It only bothers you when it’s not your own.
  • What do you get when an aristocrat farts? A noble gas.
  • I got fired from my job delivering leaflets on flatulence awareness. Unfortunately, I let one rip.
  • What are gassy surfers afraid of the most? A shart attack.
  • I farted at work yesterday, and my coworker opened the window. It must have been bad — we’re flight attendants.
  • My partner said he wanted to heat things up in bed. So I farted under the sheets.
  • I didn’t fart in front of my partner until we got married. Her family wasn’t too impressed.
  • Two flies are sitting on a piece of poop. One fly farts, and the other fly cries, “Hey! I’m trying to eat here!”
  • What’s the ideal weight of a fart? Zero pounds. If it’s anything more, you’re in trouble.

Jokes about Farts – Conclusion

Jokes about farts may not be the most sophisticated form of humor, but they’re a staple for a reason. They’re silly, lighthearted, and always good for a laugh. So the next time you’re feeling a little gassy, don’t be afraid to let your sense of humor fly! And who knows, you may just become the next master of the fart joke. Just remember: always toot with laughter!