When I lose… - Jokes one liners - When I lose the TV controller, it's always hidden in some remote destination.

When I lose…

When I lose the TV controller, it’s always hidden in some remote destination.
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I don’t… - Jokes one liners - I don’t think women should be allowed to have kids after 40. 40 kids is way too much by any standard.

I don’t…

I don’t think women should be allowed to have kids after 40. 40 kids is way too much by any standard.
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Build a man… - Jokes one liners - Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Build a man…

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
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Hey you! Funny pickup lines? you can find here. Use at your own risk!
I don't have… - Jokes one liners - I don't have a girlfriend. But I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.

I don’t have…

I don’t have a girlfriend. But I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.
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Some cause happiness… - Jokes one liners - Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

Some cause happiness…

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
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The easiest job… - Jokes one liners - The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. What's the worst thing that could happen? If everything goes wrong, maybe you'd get a pulse.

The easiest job…

The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything goes wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
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Do you know all Knock Knock jokes? Try it out!
I'm skeptical of… - Jokes one liners - I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That's a bit of a stretch.

I’m skeptical of…

I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That’s a bit of a stretch.
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Why are eggs… - Jokes one liners - Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up.

Why are eggs…

Why are eggs not very much into jokes? Because they could crack up.
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A man drops… - Jokes one liners - A man drops his phone on a concrete floor. The phone is fine, no damage. How come? - He had it on airplane mode.

A man drops…

A man drops his phone on a concrete floor. The phone is fine, no damage. How come? – He had it on airplane mode.
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Check out our Chuck Norris jokes? Quickly! Before Chuck Norris finds out!
Why are you… - Jokes one liners - Why are you smiling? Well I just made a test and I'm not pregnant. That's wonderful, Harold!

Why are you…

Why are you smiling? Well I just made a test and I’m not pregnant. That’s wonderful, Harold!
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If Walmart is… - Jokes one liners - If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store free yet?

If Walmart is…

If Walmart is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the store free yet?
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Life is a… - Jokes one liners - Life is a bit like soccer in a way. You can either use your head, or a good, swift kick.

Life is a…

Life is a bit like soccer in a way. You can either use your head, or a good, swift kick.
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Blonde jokes, who doesn't know them, but have you heard these?
A positive attitude… - Jokes one liners - A positive attitude may not solve all your problems. But it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

A positive attitude…

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems. But it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
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I read recipes… - Jokes one liners - I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, 'Well, that's not going to happen.'

I read recipes…

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, ‘Well, that’s not going to happen.’
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You can’t… - Jokes one liners - You can’t fire me! Slaves can only be sold!!

You can’t…

You can’t fire me! Slaves can only be sold!!
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Funny sayings? for any occasion, here you will find them.
My boss is… - Jokes one liners - My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

My boss is…

My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.
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It's never a… - Jokes one liners - It's never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. You'll have trouble putting on your pants.

It’s never a…

It’s never a good idea to keep both feet firmly on the ground. You’ll have trouble putting on your pants.
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My therapist says… - Jokes one liners - My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

My therapist says…

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
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funny dad jokes, at your own risk!
Most people are… - Jokes one liners - Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

Most people are…

Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
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I heard women… - Jokes one liners - I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds.

I heard women…

I heard women love a man in uniform. Can’t wait to start working at McDonalds.
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Famous last words… - Jokes one liners - Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!

Famous last words…

Famous last words of a postman: What a lovely dog you have!
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You like it short and sweet? Perfect! Here come our Jokes One Liners!
Man to his… - Jokes one liners - Man to his wife: I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more visible.

Man to his…

Man to his wife: I’d never say you’re fat! You’re just a bit more visible.
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I called the… - Jokes one liners - I called the hospital but the line was dead.

I called the…

I called the hospital but the line was dead.
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My first job… - Jokes one liners - My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn't concentrate.

My first job…

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned: couldn’t concentrate.
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Anyone who likes dark humor jokes has a high IQ and is damn good looking too!
I do say… - Jokes one liners - I do say no to drugs. It’s just they’re not so good at listening.

I do say…

I do say no to drugs. It’s just they’re not so good at listening.
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That awkward moment… - Jokes one liners - That awkward moment when you enthusiastically try to tickle somebody who isn’t ticklish.

That awkward moment…

That awkward moment when you enthusiastically try to tickle somebody who isn’t ticklish.
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Meanwhile in a… - Jokes one liners - Meanwhile in a parallel universe: “Oh for God’s sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!”

Meanwhile in a…

Meanwhile in a parallel universe: “Oh for God’s sake! Where are all these extra single socks coming from?!”
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No more good punchlines! Here come our anti jokes!
I used to… - Jokes one liners - I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

I used to…

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
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My math teacher… - Jokes one liners - My math teacher called me average. How mean!

My math teacher…

My math teacher called me average. How mean!
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Isn't it odd… - Jokes one liners - Isn't it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.

Isn’t it odd…

Isn’t it odd the way everyone automatically assumes that the goo in soap dispensers is always soap? I like to fill mine with mustard, just to teach people a lesson in trust.
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Letting go of… - Jokes one liners - Letting go of a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it's the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.

Letting go of…

Letting go of a loved one can be hard. But sometimes, it’s the only way to survive a rock climbing catastrophe.
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There are three… - Jokes one liners - There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

There are three…

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t.
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Barkeep: I’m… - Jokes one liners - Barkeep: I’m sorry, we never serve time travelers. - A time traveler walks into a bar.

Barkeep: I’m…

Barkeep: I’m sorry, we never serve time travelers. – A time traveler walks into a bar.
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Need cheering up… - Jokes one liners - Need cheering up? Start a fight with somebody when they have the hiccoughs!

Need cheering up…

Need cheering up? Start a fight with somebody when they have the hiccoughs!
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How many men… - Jokes one liners - How many men were born in 2017? None. Only babies were born.

How many men…

How many men were born in 2017? None. Only babies were born.
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I heard that… - Jokes one liners - I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common. - So girls, I like to breath.

I heard that…

I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common. – So girls, I like to breath.
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Women should not… - Jokes one liners - Women should not have children after 35. Really, 35 children are enough.

Women should not…

Women should not have children after 35. Really, 35 children are enough.
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What is white… - Jokes one liners - What is white and flies up? - A retarded snowflake

What is white…

What is white and flies up? – A retarded snowflake
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You don't need… - Jokes one liners - You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

You don’t need…

You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
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I was addicted… - Jokes one liners - I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

I was addicted…

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
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Knowledge is power… - Jokes one liners - Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

Knowledge is power…

Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
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Life's like a… - Jokes one liners - Life's like a bird. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head.

Life’s like a…

Life’s like a bird. It’s pretty cute until it poops on your head.
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I used to… - Jokes one liners - I used to breed rabbits. Then I realized they can handle it themselves.

I used to…

I used to breed rabbits. Then I realized they can handle it themselves.
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My wife accused… - Jokes one liners - My wife accused me for being a transvestite - So I packed up her things and left.

My wife accused…

My wife accused me for being a transvestite – So I packed up her things and left.
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One frog to… - Jokes one liners - One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop into the water before we get wet

One frog to…

One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop into the water before we get wet
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It's not the… - Jokes one liners - It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

It’s not the…

It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
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What's the difference… - Jokes one liners - What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins 'Once upon a time…' A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this…'

What’s the difference…

What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time…’ A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…’
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Just burned 2,000 calories… - Jokes one liners - Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Just burned 2,000 calories…

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
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Man attempted to… - Jokes one liners - Man attempted to hijack a bus full of Japanese tourists. The police has 3756 photos of him.

Man attempted to…

Man attempted to hijack a bus full of Japanese tourists. The police has 3756 photos of him.
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Light travels faster… - Jokes one liners - Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.

Light travels faster…

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they open their mouths.
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