Build a man…
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
I don’t have a girlfriend. But I know a girl that would get really mad if she heard me say that.
The easiest job in the world has to be coroner. What’s the worst thing that could happen? If everything goes wrong, maybe you’d get a pulse.
I’m skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. That’s a bit of a stretch.
A man drops his phone on a concrete floor. The phone is fine, no damage. How come? – He had it on airplane mode.
Why are you smiling? Well I just made a test and I’m not pregnant. That’s wonderful, Harold!
I don’t think women should be allowed to have kids after 40. 40 kids is way too much by any standard.
I heard that it is easier to find a girlfriend when you have things in common. – So girls, I like to breath.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
One frog to the other: Oh man, it’s starting to rain. Let’s hop into the water before we get wet
What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time…’ A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this…’
Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.