Funny jokes

Happy birthday! Age is Irrelpehant.

You know you’re getting old when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

You know you’re getting old when… Things you buy now won’t wear out.

Statistics show that those who have the most birthdays live the longest!

Q. What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? A. Mice cream and cake.

Kidnappers have very little interest in you.

What sort of birthday cake do ghosts prefer? I Scream Cake.

Man to wife, “Blow out your candles and make a wish”. The wife does but a look of disappointment crosses her face. “What’s the matter,” he asks. “My wish didn’t work.” she replies. “How do you know already?” he enquires. “You’re still here.”

Happy birthday. Have a llama fun.

I threw a ball for my dog… It’s a bit extravagant I know, but it was his birthday and he looks great in a dinner jacket.

Being related to me is the best birthday gift you could receive.

For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday.

Some only dream of cake. Others bake it happen.

Satisfied Birthday! you’re now case in point of the old pronouncing that “Boys can be boys, and so will lots of middle-aged men.”

It’s your birthday! I hope you shellibrate!

Q. What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? A. No cake for me… I’m stuffed!

Sending you s’more birthday wishes!

Q. Why can’t kids remember past birthdays? A. Because they are too focused on the present.

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don’t really know.

Q. What did the teddy bear say when it was offered some birthday cake? A. No thanks, I’m stuffed.

What does a cat like to eat on his birthday? Mice cream and cake.

Q. Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? A. Because it was marble cake!

It’s always a good idea to make friends with babies. That’s free cake once a year for a lifetime.

People come and go but birthdays do accrue.

Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one? A: No, they both burn shorter!

A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him. But, when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. “Don’t let it bother you,” said the stranger on the phone. “You folks need all the practice you can … Read more

Is it getting warmer here or is it all the candles on your birthday cake?

When’s your birthday? July 23rd. What year? Every year.

Q. What goes up and never comes down? A. Your age.

Q: What did the elephant want for his birthday? A: A trunk full of gifts.

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember…You can always change your birthday on Facebook!

Q. What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy? A. They only get to celebrate them in leap years!

Q: When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? A: When you slice it.

You know youre fifty when your chiropractor sends you birthday cards.

Q. What do you call an international birthday party held for a spider? A. The world wide web.

Does a green candle burn longer than a pink candle? No they both burn shorter.

Hippo-birthday!

The problem with getting older is you get dry dreams and wet farts.

Q: Why did the birthday cake visit the psychologist? A: Because it was feeling crumby.

I like big bundts and I cannot lie.

Wow, this birthday cake sure is crunchy. – “It’s usually not supposed to be eaten with the plate!”

Q: Where do you get a birthday present for your cat? A: From a cat-alogue.

What do you give a 900 pound gorilla for his birthday? I don’t know, but you’d better hope he likes it.

You know you’re getting old when the little old grey-haired lady you helped across the street is your wife.

Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me, with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.”

Why do we put candles on the top of birthday cakes? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!

Q. What happens when you invite a thief to your birthday party? A. They take the cake!

You know you’re getting old when… When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.

A husband reels off a list of presents he suggests buying his wife for her birthday. She rejects them all. “Well you tell me what you want then.” “I want a divorce.” she replies. “I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”

Q. What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday? A. Forget it once!

What is it about birthdays that make kangaroos unhappy? They only get to celebrate them in leap years.

You’ve really made it if you become more than 100 years old. Statistically, there are very few people over 100 that die.

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Q. What does every birthday end with? A. The letter Y.

Happy birthday! Have a crab-u-lous day!

Here’s to another koala-ty birthday!

A word of wisdom for you on your birthday: Smile while you’ve still got teeth! Happy Birthday!

Q. Why didn’t the hen attend rooster’s birthday party? A. She was too chicken.

How can you tell that you’re getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!

When you were born your mom said: “It’s a treasure.” Dad said: “Ya let’s bury.”

In case you sense a piece lonely, forgotten, or simply need a person to cheer you up don’t forget…you may usually change your birthday on Facebook!

Q: What did the bald guy say when he was given a comb for his birthday? A: Thanks, I’ll never part with it.

Don’t worry, they are not grey hairs, they are wisdom highlights. You just happen to be extremely wise.

I know birthdays get worse as you get older. But look at the bright side — not too many left now.

My birthday cake brings all the boys to the yard.

You know you’re getting old when… You and your teeth don’t sleep together.

You are aged to perfection.

Happy birthday. You’re one in a melon.

Wine improves with age. We improve with wine.

Wishing you a whale of a good time on this birthday!

Q. What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? A. Aye matey!

Congrats on proving that getting older doesn’t mean getting wiser.

Happy Birthday! You’re now living proof of the old saying that “Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”

You know you’re getting old when you have more candles on your cake than friends at your birthday party.

Loving you is a piece of cake

Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one? No, they both burn shorter!

What’s a bee’s favorite day? It’s bee-day!

With age comes skills, it’s called “multi-tasking”. Now you can laugh, cough, sneeze, fart, and pee all at the same time!

Dear eyelashes, wishbones, dandelions, pennies, shooting stars, 11:11 and birthday candles: Do your job.

What did the pirate day on this 80th birthday? Aye-matey!

There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

“Grandma, is it exciting being 99?” asked the young girl. Grandma replied, “It certainly is! If I wasn’t 99, I’d be dead.”

You know you are getting older when the candles don’t fit on the cake.

Happy Birthday! Now, lettuce celebrate!

Hope this birthday is toad-ally awesome.

What did the Teddy Bear say after blowing out his birthday candles? No cake for me…I’m stuffed

Middle age: that time when you finally get your head together – then your body starts falling apart.

The best way to remember your 21st birthday, is not at all. Have fun blacking out.

Q. Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A. In a cat-alogue!

You make life so fun-fetti.

I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.

Here’s to a soup-er birthday!

I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother. It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.

I always feel warm on my birthday because people don’t stop toasting me.

Q. Why do golfers prefer a birthday donut over a birthday cake? A. Because there is a hole in one.

Q. What do mussels do on their birthdays? A. They shell-ebrate!

Hope you have a tea-rrific birthday!

Q. Why don’t birthday candles ever exercise? A. They burn out too quickly!

Don’t worry. I would never baguette your birthday.

What is a ghost’s favorite cake? I-scream cake!

No one expects you to run into a burning building or anywhere else for that matter.

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.

I made dinner reservations for my wife’s birthday and told the host there’s an extra $20 for the bartenders if they card her.

Q: What’s the easiest way to remember your wife’s birthday? A: Forget it once!

How do people celebrate birthdays in heaven? With angel food cake!

Q. How does the cat celebrate its birthday? A. By turning up the mewsic.

Growing old is inevitable, but growing up is optional.

What did the elephant want for his birthday? A trunk full of gifts.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

I used to be a boy trapped in a woman’s body. But after 9 long months, I was finally born!

For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.

Birthdays are natures way of telling us to eat more cake.

Q. What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday? A. It’s roar birthday!

You are one candle closer to starting a house fire.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

You know you’re getting old when…there is nothing left to learn the hard way.

Happy birthday to a [mom/dad] who’s smart, funny and good looking, from a [son/daughter] who inherited all your best qualities.

Hey shawty, it’s sherbert day.

Because it was my brother’s birthday, our mom wanted to do something special. She called his fraternity house and said she wanted to bring a cake. The young man who…

What does every birthday end with? The letter Y!

You know you’re getting old when… You sing along with the elevator music.

What did one candle say to the other? “Don’t birthdays just burn you up?”

All the best for your birthday. May you live to be at least 95 and die happy and satisfied in a warm bed, shot by a jealous husband.

Happy Birthday. Soon you will get older and then you can laugh, sneeze, cough and pee at the same time.

Why are birthdays good for you? People who have the most live the longest.

We won’t discriminate in our choices of jokes. Everyone gets a little fun and laughter on their birthday. Which is why, it is a good idea to glance at what we’ve compiled below.

They say everything gets better with age.

Q. Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one? A. No, they both burn shorter!

Birthdays are a great time to stop and appreciate gravity. Sure, it makes things sag as you get older, but it also keeps your cake from flying all over the room so you don’t have to chase it.

You realize you’re getting old when you have a greater number of candles on your cake than companions at your birthday celebration.

You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!

Q. What do you get a hunter for his birthday? A. A birthday pheasant!

A well adjusted woman is one who not only knows what she wants for her birthday, but even knows what she’s going to exchange it for.

It’s easier to remember your age if you don’t change it every year.

Happy birthday to someone old enough to go vintage shopping in their own closet.

What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.

It’s sherbert-day!

Q: Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? A: In a cat-alogue!

In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

Have a grate birthday in the cheesiest way possible!

You don’t get smarter when you become older. There just aren’t so many stupid things left that you haven’t done yet.

Birthday candles don’t exercise because they burn out too quickly!

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Q. What’s the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? A. Get married on his birthday.

No one views you as a hypochondriac.

Q. How do people who live around volcanoes celebrate their birthdays? A. With a birthday quake.

Q. What kind of birthday cake does Elsa like? A. The kind with lots of frosting and icing!

Greeting Cards: When you care enough to send the very best but not enough to actually write something.

Birthdays are nice and all, but I think too many can kill you!