Math jokes

Math is like love; a simple idea, but it can get complicated.

What do mathematicians do after a snowstorm? Make snow angles!

Student One: I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday. Student Two: She must be plotting something.

Which numbers just won’t sit still? Roamin’ numbers

I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig, I’ll even do statistics. But graphing is where I draw the line!

What’s purple and commutes? An Abelian grape.

God is real, unless proclaimed integer.

A statistics professor and a math professor worked together on a cookbook. They called it “Pi A La Mode”.

What is brown, furry, runs to the sea, and is equivalent to the Axiom of Choice? Zorn’s lemming or the Well-Ottering principle. They’re equivalent in the ZF Sea.

You know what seems odd to me? Numbers that can’t be divided by two.

Why is 69 so scared of 70? Because once they fought, and 71.

Why couldn’t the angle get a loan? Its parents wouldn’t cosine.

Algebra can make you a better dancer. Do you know why? Because you can use an algo-rhythm.

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

Which tool is best for math? The multi-pliers.

Which big cat is good at linearly approximating a differentiable function? A tangent lion or a straight lion

Why is statistics never anyone’s favorite subject? It’s just average.

What couldn’t the Möbius strip enroll at Caltech? Because we require freshman orientation

Why do nurses use 1-to-1 functions so much? Injections.

Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You told me not to use tables.

Q: What will a logician choose: a half of an egg or eternal bliss in the afterlife? A: A half of an egg! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and a half of an egg is better than nothing.

Which civilization was best at algebra? The Romans. For them, X was always 10.

Mathematician: πr2(Pi r squared). Baker: No! Pies are round and cakes are square!

Why is the obtuse triangle always upset? Because it is never right!

Did you know that there are three kinds of people in the world? Here they are: people who can count and people who can’t.

A mathematician decides he wants to learn more about practical problems. He sees a seminar with a nice title: “The Theory of Gears.” So he goes. The speaker stands up and begins, “The theory of gears with a real number of teeth is well known …”

Hey have you ever noticed what’s odd? Every other number!

Why did Emil Artin’s necklace keep falling off? It had a descending chain condition.

What tool is best suited for math? Multi-pliers.

What do the moon and a dollar have in common? They both have 4 quarters.

How did the matrix whose eigenvalues summed to zero disappear? It vanished without a trace.

What is a math teacher’s favorite sum? Summer.

What is polite and works for the phone company? A deferential operator

Why was Gollum obsessed with Z/6Z? Why are algebraic geometers always coming up with evil plans? They really like schemes.

I poured root beer into a square cup. Now I have beer.

What tastes like oranges and is differentiable in the whole complex plane? A clementire

Parallel lines have so much in common … It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

Why do analyists and number theorists like parks? Because of all the natural logs.

Why was Fibonacci afraid of 5? Because 5 8 13

Dean, to the physics department. “Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff. Why couldn’t you be like the math. department – all they need is money for pencils, paper and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are … Read more

What’s the best way to get a math tutor? An add!

A mathematician sees three people go into a building. Later she sees four people leave. When she is asked how many people are in the building she replies, “Well, if one person enters the house it’ll be empty.”

What is woolly, spits, and is equivalent to the Axiom of Choice? Zorn’s llama.

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. “Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer…”

I had an argument with a 90° angle. It turns out it was right.

Follow-up: What fakes politeness and works for the phone company? A pseudo-deferential operator

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

What does the “B” in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B Mandelbrot

Math is the language God used to write the universe.

Why didn’t Newton discover group theory? Because he wasn’t Abel