Scientist jokes

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.

What’s wrong with a joke involving cobalt, radon, and yttrium? It’s CoRn Y.

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

There are 10 kinds of people: Those who understand binary and those who don’t.

What did the microbiology student get for being late to class? A tardigrade.

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

Why did the bacteria fail the math test? He thought multiplication was the same as division.

The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!

What did the 30 degree angle say to the 90 degree angle? “You think you’re always right!”

Me doing biochemistry: biochemistry, biochemiswhy, biochemisby.

What did the scientist say to the chemist whose lab smelled like eggs? Sorry for your sulfering.

Why did the hipster chemist get burned? He touched the beaker before it was cool!

What did the tree wear to his friend’s pool party? Swimming trunks

What do you call a periodic table with gold missing? Au revoir.

What will never go viral no matter how popular they get? Antibiotics.

Photons have mass? Who knew they were Catholic?

What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class? “Quark, quark, quark!”

What did one cell tell his sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Ouch! That’s mitosis.

How much room does fungi need in order to grow? As mushroom as possible.

There’s a new theory on inertia, but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

What kind of bears dissolve in water? Polar bears!

Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.

What do you call the leader of a biology gang? The nucleus

What did the biologist wear to impress his date? Designer genes.

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

What did the science book say to the math book? You’ve got problems.

Organ donors really put their heart into it.

What kinds of books do planets usually like to read? Comet books

Why are atoms Catholic? Because they have mass.

How would you be able to cut the sea in half? With a see-saw!

There are two types of people in the world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

Three statisticians go hunting for deer. They spot one off in the distance. The first one shoots about a meter too high; the second one, about a meter too low; the third one yells, “We got it!”

A molecule tells another: “A free-electron once stripped me of an electron after he lepton me. You gotta keep your ion them!”

Why did the gene crossover? To get to the non-sister homolog!

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.

What’s the computer’s favorite snack? Chips!

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

Why is combining a proton and an electron to make a neutron so popular? It’s free of charge.

If a prince farts, is it a noble gas?

You’re so hot, you denature my proteins.

One tectonic plate bumped into another and said, “Sorry, my fault.”

What is a tornado’s favorite classic game to play? Twister

Why did the chemistry lab blow up? Oxidants happen!

I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.

What do you call it when a biologist takes a photo of himself? A cell-fie

Hand over the calculator; friends don’t let friends derive drunk.

What are the primary elements of a sense of humor? Sulfur, Argon, Calcium, and Samarium. Otherwise known as SArCaSm

I’d tell you a chemistry joke, but I probably won’t get a reaction.