What’s the opposite of irony? Wrinkly.
Why did Mickey Mouse fly to space? Because he wanted to find Pluto!
Where do bees stop for bathroom breaks? BP stations.
What did the plate say to the plate next to him? Dinner is on me.
What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe? “Owwwww-ch!”
How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed.
Why are frogs always happy? Because they eat whatever bug them
What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s got little legs.
How do you stop a bull from charging? You take away it’s credit card!
Why did the king go to the bathroom? He wanted to sit on the throne.
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.
Why do seagulls fly over seas? Because if they flew over bays they’d be baygulls.
Why did the police arrest the cook? Because the cook was beating an egg!
What do you call an arrogant criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending!
What do the movies Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common? Icy dead people.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
What does a cloud wear? Thunderwear!
Why couldn’t the pony finish his song? He was a little hoarse.
What musical instrument is kept in your bathroom? A tuba toothpaste!
What falls in winter but never gets hurt? The snow!
I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me!
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
Why did they stop doing tests at the zoo? Because it was full of cheetahs!
What is a snowman’s favorite food? An iceberg!
What did Cinderella say while waiting for her pictures? Someday, my prints will come!