Silly jokes

How do you stop a bull from charging? You take away it’s credit card!

Why did the king go to the bathroom? He wanted to sit on the throne.

How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear.

What’s the opposite of irony? Wrinkly.

Why did Mickey Mouse fly to space? Because he wanted to find Pluto!

Where do bees stop for bathroom breaks? BP stations.

What did the plate say to the plate next to him? Dinner is on me.

What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe? “Owwwww-ch!”

How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed.

Why are frogs always happy? Because they eat whatever bug them

What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s got little legs.

Who won the race of princesses? Rapunzel, by a hair!

Why do bees always have sticky hair? They use honeycombs.

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.

What do pickles do on their day off? They relish it.

Why did the teacher wear sunglasses in class? Because his students were so bright!

Why flamingos stand on one leg? Because they would fall if they lifted both legs!!

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They always take things so literally.

Why do porcupines win every game? They have the most points!

What did the judge say to the skunk? Odor in the court!

What did one pencil say to another pencil? You are looking sharp!

Name a bow that can’t be tied. A Rainbow

What falls often in winter but never gets hurt? Snow

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Why don’t teddy bears eat dessert? Because they are already stuffed!