Jokes for adults only

Ladies and Gentlemen, brace yourself for a night of non-stop laughter with the dirtiest, most inappropriate and hilarious jokes for adults only. We are talking about dirty jokes, sex jokes, These jokes are not for the faint-hearted, easily offended or the ones under 18. If you're ready for some R-rated comedy, adult language and offensive jokes, you're in the right place. Get ready to laugh until your face hurts, and don't forget to leave your innocent minds at the door. So sit back, relax, and let's get the party started with our collection of jokes for adult only.

  • What’s another name for a vagina? The box a penis comes in.
  • Why can’t you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.
  • What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
  • What's long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.
  • A husband says to his wife, I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad both at the same time. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, Your penis is bigger than your brother’s.
  • How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
  • Why do they say that eating yogurt and oysters will improve your sex life? Because if you'll eat that stuff, you'll eat anything.
  • What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She’s gonna eat me!
  • What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? "Thanks for coming!"
  • Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil.
  • How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
  • A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means? The boyfriend says, Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again.
  • They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?
  • What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
  • What do you call a guy with a small dick? Just-in!
  • How is sex like a game of bridge? If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
  • What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip."
  • What are the three shortest words in the English language? "Is it in?"
  • Why do walruses love a tupperware party? They’re always on the lookout for a tight seal.
  • What's long, green, and smells like bacon? Kermit the Frog's fingers.
  • If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
  • I’ll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
  • What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
  • What did the penis say to the vagina? Don’t make me come in there!
  • Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
  • A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
  • How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
  • What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A white Christmas.

Why Adult Jokes are the Spice of Life: A Comedic Exploration

Jokes for adults only are like the forbidden fruit of comedy. They're the stuff that makes you snort your drink out of your nose in public, or the punchline that makes you laugh so hard you cry. They're popular because they're not for the faint of heart, they're for the grown-ups who want to let loose and have a good time. They're the kind of jokes that you can't tell your grandma, unless you want to get a stern talking to about your potty mouth. They're the kind of jokes that you'll whisper to your friends at the bar, or text to your group chat at 2am. They're the kind of jokes that make you feel alive, and remind you that sometimes, it's okay to be a little bit naughty. In short, jokes for adults only are popular because they're a guilty pleasure, and everyone needs a little bit of guilty pleasure in their lives.

  • Why do women have orgasms? Just another reason to moan, really.
  • Who’s the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen doughnuts.
  • An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
  • What do the Mafia and pussies have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
  • Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering a minor.
  • What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
  • Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
  • What do you call an expert fisherman? A master baiter.
  • A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?" The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
  • What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
  • What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
  • What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? A glad-he-ate-her.
  • How does a woman scare a gynecologist? By becoming a ventriloquist. Give it to me! Give it to me! she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
  • What does a perverted frog say? "Rubbit." What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
  • Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry.
  • What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off.
  • What did the O say to the Q? Dude, your dick’s hanging out.
  • Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
  • What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
  • What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out."
  • What does Pinocchio's lover say to him? "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
  • What’s still together after all the sht they’ve been through? Your butt cheeks.
  • A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
  • My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
    What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? A dictator.
    What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

The Evolution of Adult Jokes: A Walk Through Time

Well, let's take a trip back in time, to the days of yore, when cavemen were drawing dirty pictures on their cave walls and telling each other jokes about saber-toothed tiger testicles. Okay, maybe it wasn't exactly like that, but the point is, adult jokes have been around since the dawn of time. They've been passed down from generation to generation, evolving and adapting to fit the times.

Fast forward to the Middle Ages, when jesters were the only ones brave enough to tell the King a dirty joke, and getting your head chopped off was a real possibility. But even then, adult jokes were still a staple of comedy.

Then came the era of Vaudeville and burlesque, where adult jokes were all the rage. But it wasn't until the 1950s and 60s, with the rise of stand-up comedy and the "blue comedy" movement, that adult jokes really came into their own. And let's not forget the golden age of dirty jokes, the 1970s, when George Carlin and Richard Pryor were pushing the boundaries of what was considered acceptable comedy.

So, you see, adult jokes have been around for centuries and have been evolving over time to fit with the culture and society. And they will continue to evolve and adapt, because let's face it, we humans will always have a love for the forbidden and the naughty.

  • What do boobs and toys have in common? They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.
  • What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? A beaver dam.
  • What’s long and hard and full of semen? A submarine.
  • What do you call the useless piece of skin on a dick? The man.
  • What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.
  • What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
  • What did one butt cheek say to the other? "Together, we can stop this crap."
  • What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin’ off.
  • Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
  • What is Moby Dick's dad's name? Papa Boner.
  • Why did the sperm cross the road? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.
  • Why do walruses love a Tupperware party? They're always on the lookout for a tight seal.
  • Why is diarrhea hereditary? It runs in your genes.
  • What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cubes have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
  • How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
  • How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? Call and tell her about it.
  • What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.
  • Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Because she outgrew her B-shells.
  • What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
  • What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Gum.
  • If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
  • What do a woman and a bar have in common? Liquor in the front, poker in the back.
  • A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect." "Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
  • What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check? Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
  • What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore.
  • What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."
  • What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.
  • My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
  • What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Conclusion

In conclusion, jokes for adults only have been a staple of comedy for centuries and continue to be popular among adult audiences. They often contain language or themes that are not appropriate for children and can be seen as more relatable or edgy by adults. They also touch on sensitive or taboo subjects, which can make them more humorous to some people. However, it's important to remember that these jokes may not be appropriate for all audiences and could be considered offensive, so it's important to be aware of your audience and use discretion when sharing them.

You don't have enough yet? ok here we go:

  • Why can't you hear rabbits making love? Because they have cotton balls.
  • A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
  • What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion? "It's not what it looks like."
  • What’s the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes
  • What's the difference between a sex worker and a drug dealer? A sex worker could wash her crack and resell it.
  • What do you do when your cat's dead? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.
  • How is life like toilet paper? You're either on a roll or taking s*** from someone.
  • I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 40 miles away.
  • What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married? The wedding ring.
  • I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth, the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
  • Why did God give men penises? So they’d have at least one way to shut a woman up.
  • What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.
  • Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
  • What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Someone's always willing to blow your bonus.
  • Why do vegetarians give good head? Beause they’re used to eating nuts.
  • What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
  • What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? "Beat it. We're closed."
  • Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because they won't stop to ask for directions.
  • What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.
  • What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Beef strokin' off.
  • What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
  • If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
  • What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
  • I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time, a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
  • What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? "Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job!"
  • What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD? A trip without kids.
  • A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. "Why?" "Because," the doctor says. "I'm trying to examine you."
  • What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? The more you play with it, the harder it gets.