I got a…

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!

I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay. She said she didn’t have time.

What did one wall say to the other? “Meet me at the corner!”