The best anti…

Did you hear about the winner of the Spanish beauty contest? Me neither.

I've got 1-ply, I've got 2-ply, but all I really want is your re-ply.

Why should you never mention the number 288? Because it’s “two” gross.

I don’t know which is prettier today—the weather, or your eyes.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.