What has 4,000 eyes…

Schroedinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.

I told my girlfriend she drew on her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? A: Aye, matey!

Why did the monkey and pancake batter have in common? They both love bananas.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.