What type of…

What did the calculus instructor say to his hungover student? Know your limits, and Don't drink and derive.

“I am” is supposedly the shortest sentence in the English language. “I do” is the longest sentence.

Q. Does a pink candle burn longer than a blue one? A. No, they both burn shorter!

How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied.