Why can’t the…

Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won't remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays...

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five...

What’s a shopaholic’s favorite day of the week? Buy-day

I want a job cleaning mirrors. It’s something I can really see myself doing.

Q: What goes up and never comes down? A: Your age.