Blonde Jokes

Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it…..

What is the first thing that a blonde always does in the morning? Goes home.

What do you call an intelligent blonde? A golden retriever!

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband’s car? A: She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.

Q: How do you keep a blonde busy? A: Write „please flip over“ on a piece of paper and give it to her.

Blonde: „What is the second to last letter of the alphabet?“ Redhead: „Y.“ Blonde: „Because I want to know. Why do you have to question everything?!“

What do you get when you line up 5 blondes side by side? A wind tunnel.

Why do blondes drive BMWs? Because they can spell it.

Q: How did the Blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her

A police officer sees a blonde woman crying under a street lamp on the sidewalk. He asks her what’s wrong and if there’s anything he can do to help. The blonde replies, „I lost my wedding ring.“ The officer asks, „Okay, where did you drop it?“ The blonde says, „About a block away, but the light is better here.“

Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think at least one of them would’ve seen it.

Q: What do you call a Blonde skeleton in the closet? A: Last year’s hide and seek champ

A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, „Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?“ She leaned over the counter and said, „Burrr-gerrr Kiiing.“

A blonde walks into a bar and asks the bartender, „What do you have on tap?“ He replies, „Anheuser-Busch“ (And-how’s-your bush). She says, „Just fine. How’s your penis?“

A blonde is driving down a countryside road when she sees another blonde in a rowboat trying to row her way through a field. The blonde in the car yells out „it is blondes like you that give us a bad name and I would come over there and give you a piece of my mind if i could swim.

Did you hear about the near‑tragedy at the mall? There was a power outage and eight blondes were stuck on the escalators for more than four hours.

There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, „I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals.“ One of the guys, of course, said, „I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?“ „N,“ she answered.

What do blondes do when their laptop freezes? Microwave them.

Two blondes walk beside each other down the street. One of them sees a broken piece of mirror on the ground, grabs it, looks at it and says, „This girl looks so familiar, but I can’t remember where I know her from.“ The other girl grabs it from her hand, takes a look at it, and says, „It’s me you idiot!“

Q: Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice bottle for 2 hours? A: Because it said ‚concentrate‘

How can you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? there are m&m shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: Why was the blonde’s belly button sore? A: Her boyfriend was blonde too.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird?? She threw it off a cliff.

I knew a blonde that was so stupid, she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

A blonde, a fat brunette, and a skinny redhead find a magic mirror. If you lie to the mirror you die. The redhead says, „I look fat,“ and dies. The brunette says, “ I look skinny,“ and dies. The blonde says, „I think…“ and dies.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, „I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.“

Q: How are U.F.Os and smart Blondes in common? A: You keep hearing about them but you never see them!

Why did the blonde break both her legs when she was raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

Q: Why does the blonde have the biggest breasts in the third grade? A: Because she’s 21.

Q: What is the best blonde secretary? A: One that never misses a period.

A blonde’s neighbor’s house was on fire so she called 911. The blonde told the operator, „My neighbor’s house is on fire!“ The operator asked, „Where are you?“ The blonde answered, „At my house.“ The operator replied, „No, I’m asking how do we get there?“ The blonde said, „In a firetruck, duh!“

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, „It’s dark in here isn’t it?“ The other replied, „I don’t know; I can’t see.“

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, „Woof woof!“ The cop thinks it’s a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, „Meow meow!“ The cop believes it’s a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, „Potato potato!“

A truck driver was driving between towns on a country road when he spotted a gorgeous blonde hitchhiking. He stopped without hesitation and she climbed into the cab showing mountains of cleavage. Two miles further down the road, he got a flat, pulled to the side of the road and got out to inspect the tire. He was fiddling around with the wheel, when the blonde opened the window and shouted down, „Do you want a screwdriver?“ The driver replied, all smiles, „Might as well. I can’t get this fucking hub cap off.“

Two blondes were walking down the sidewalk. The first blonde said, „Hey, look at that dog with one eye,“ so the second blonde covered up one eye.

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop. The cop walked up to her window and asked, „Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?“ The blonde said, „I’m sorry sir, but wherever I go, there’s always a tree in front of me and I can’t seem to get away from it!“ The cop looked at her and said, „Ma’am, that’s your air freshener!“

A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend’s dandruff problem. The redhead says, „Why don’t you give him Head and Shoulders?“ The blonde replies, „How do you give shoulders?“

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? She fell out of the tree.

A blonde woman decides that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, „For best results, put on two coats.“

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench. One blonde says to the other, „Which do you think is farther away, Florida or the moon?“ The other blonde says, „Well, you can’t see Florida…“

Q: What do dim lamps and blondes have in common? A: They both tend to be hot, but not too bright.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

What do you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever.

I was at school when a blonde student asked me what letter comes after „X“ in the alphabet. I replied „Y“. She then got mad, called me a prick and said „because I need to know that is why“.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short? A: So brunettes can remember them.

How do you get a one handed blonde down from a tree? Wave at her.

A blonde calls an airline and asks, „How long are your flights from America to the U.K.?“ The woman on the other end of the phone says, „Just a minute…“ The blonde says, „Thanks!“ and hangs up the phone.

How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.

A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde driver and says, „You failed to stop at the red light. Let me see your driver’s licence.“ The blonde asks, „What does that look like?“ The blonde cop answers, „It is rectangular and has your picture on it.“ The blonde looks around inside her purse and mistakes her mirror for the license. When she hands it to the blonde officer, he looks at it and replies, „Oh, I didn’t know you were also an officer. You can go!“