Today you broke…

What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.

What should you do on Good Friday if you want to eat a lot on Easter? Egg-cersise.

Who’s bigger: Mr. Bigger the Pug, or Mr. Bigger’s baby? The baby, cause she’s a little bigger!

I'm really good at stuff until somebody watches me do that stuff.

Q: Did you hear about the tree's birthday? A: It was a sappy one!