Math Jokes

Why is 69 so scared of 70? Because once they fought, and 71.

Algebra can make you a better dancer. Do you know why? Because you can use an algo-rhythm.

Which tool is best for math? The multi-pliers.

Why is statistics never anyone’s favorite subject? It’s just average.

What does the „B“ in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B Mandelbrot

A mathematician decides he wants to learn more about practical problems. He sees a seminar with a nice title: „The Theory of Gears.“ So he goes. The speaker stands up and begins, „The theory of gears with a real number of teeth is well known …“

What is hallucinogenic and exists for every group with order divisible by p^k? A psilocybin p-subgroup

Surgeon: Nurse, I have so many patients. Who do I work on first? Nurse: Simple, follow the order of operations.

I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday. I think he must be plotting something.

What do prime numbers and stoners have in common? The higher they get, the more spaced out they get.

Mathematician: πr2(Pi r squared). Baker: No! Pies are round and cakes are square!

What tool is best suited for math? Multi-pliers.

What is a math teacher’s favorite sum? Summer.

What tastes like oranges and is differentiable in the whole complex plane? A clementire

How do we know the fractions, x/c, y/c, and z/c, are all in Europe? They’re all over c’s!

The sheepdog said “Yeah, but I rounded them up!”

Why is math considered to be codependent? It relies on others to solve its problems.

Why did Emil Artin’s necklace keep falling off? It had a descending chain condition.

When a statistician passes the airport security check, they discover a bomb in his bag. He explains. „Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. However, the chance that there are two bombs at one plane is 1/1000000. So, I am much safer…“

An chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: „Assume we have a can opener …“

It’s so sad to think that parallel lines have so much in common…but they’ll never be able to meet!

What is purple and all of its offspring have been committed to institutions? A simple grape, it has no normal subgrapes.

Why do atheists have trouble with exponents? They don’t believe in higher powers!

Have you heard the latest statistics joke? Probably.

What happened to the indeterminate form that got sick in calculus? It went to the L’Hôpital.

What is lavender and commutes? An Abelian semigrape.

Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school? Because she sprained her angle.

It’s always a good idea to bring a mathematician camping. They come prepared with a pair of axis.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator… But only a fraction would understand.

You should never start a conversation with Pi. It’ll just go on and on forever.

he problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic. But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

An engineer thinks that his equations are an approximation to reality. A physicist thinks reality is an approximation to his equations. A mathematician doesn’t care.

What’s yellow, linear, normed, and complete? A Bananach space

I hired an odd man to do eight jobs for me. When I got back, he’d only done jobs one, three, five, and seven.

A father noticed his son was sad coming home from school one day. “What’s wrong?” The father asked. “I really don’t like long division,” the son answered, “I always feel bad for the remainders.”

Classification of mathematical problems as linear and nonlinear is like classification of the Universe as bananas and non-bananas.

What is often used by Canadians to help solve certain differential equations? A lacross transform

Why do plants hate math? It gives them square roots.

Which king loved fractions? Henry the ⅛.

What is yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice? Zorn’s lemmon.

Asked if he believes in one God, a mathematician answered: “ Yes, up to isomorphism.“

What’s purple, commutes, and is worshipped by a limited number of people? A finitely-venerated Abelian grape.

Which family of functions N->N is the most excited? Multifactorials!

If you’re cold, go to the corner of the room. It’s 90 degrees there!

Why do teenagers always travel in groups of three, five, or seven? Because they can’t even!

Dear Algebra, stop trying to find your x. They’re never coming back — don’t ask y.

Which snakes are good at math? Adders.

What do geometry teachers have decorating their floor? Area rugs!

The farmer said, “But I only counted 67!”

A statistician got soaking wet trying to cross a river. He thought he could cross, because it was one-foot deep on average.