Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light

Chuck Norris can get in a bucket and lift it up with himself in it.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.

On New Year’s Eve, Chuck Norris promised that he’d lose 20 pounds. The next morning he shaved his chest and smiled as he realized that he’d lost 30.

On the 7th day, God rested … Chuck Norris took over.

When life gave Chuck Norris lemons, he squeezed the lemons and made orange juice.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

Bigfoot claims he once saw Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry.

There has never been a hurricane named Chuck because it would have destroyed everything.

Chuck Norris is actually the creator of the giraffe. It came to be after he uppercut a horse.

Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming „Law and Order“ are trademarked names.

The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? Chuck Norris came first.

Chuck Norris once ate at Taco Bell and didn’t get diarrhea…

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn’t get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.