Dog Jokes

How are a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.

After a talking Sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.” “But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer. “I know,” says the Sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodledoo!

At a dinner party a Pug farts. The king charles turns to him and says “How dare you fart in front of me!” The pug replies “Im sorry, I didnt realize it was your turn!”

Two men are talking about animals. One says to the other, ‘I know of a dog worth $10,000.’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Who would have thought a dog could save so much.’

What does my dog and my phone have in common? They both have collar I.D.

What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone? A golden receiver!

What did the skeleton say to the puppy? Bonappetite

Why was the dog stealing shingles? He wanted to become a woofer!

How do dogs eat spaghetti? The same way everyone else does, they put it in their mouths!

Why did the dog sleep under a car? Cause he wanted to wake up oily!

What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.

Why shouldnt you bring your farty dog to an Apple store? Because they dont have windows!

What dog can jump higher than a building? Any dog because buildings can’t jump.

For sale: Eight puppies from a German shepherd and an Alaskan hussy.

Which dog breed absolutely LOVES living in the city? A New Yorkie!

Why aren’t dogs good dancers? A. Because they have two left feet!

What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound!

What kind of dog did Dracula have? A bloodhound.

What’s a dog’s favorite dessert? Pupcakes!

What do you do if a dog chews your dictionary? Take the words right out of his mouth!

Why are there Dalmatians on fire engines? To help the firefighters find the nearest fire hydrant.

What’s worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxi cabs!

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a monster? Terrier-fied!

What did the waiter say to the dog when he brought out her food? Bone appetit!

Why can’t dogs work the DVD remote? Because they always hit the paws button!

How do you stop a dog from barking in your front yard? Put him in your backyard!

I took my dog to the vet. She said “He’s a little overweight” I said I wanted a second opinion. She replied “He’s also pretty cute”

What kind of dog chases anything red? A Bulldog.

What type of zoo has only a dog? Shih Tzu

What do you get if you cross a dog and an airplane? A jet setter.

What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast food? Pooched eggs!

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an Australian dog? Dingo Starr.

What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler? Anything you like, just very quietly.

What do you call a dog that’s been out in the cold? A pupsicle!

What do you get if you cross a Rottweiler and a hyena? I don’t know but I recommend you join in if it laughs.

What breed of dog does Dracula have? A Bloodhound!

How do you tell the difference between a labrador and a marine biologist? The one wags a tale, the other tags a whale.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of the dog, it’s too dark to read.

What do dogs call empty jars of cheese whiz? Cheese Was

What did one flea say to the other? Should we walk or take a dog?

What did the hungry Dalmation say when he had some kibble? That sure hit the spot!

What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a rose? A collie-flower!

How do fleas travel from place to place? By itch-hiking!

What do you get when you cross a dog with a phone? A golden receiver!

Whats a dog’s favorite musical instrument? The dinner bell!

How do dog catchers get paid? A. By the pound!

What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-tastrophy!

What do you call a great dog detective? Sherlock Bones!

What do you get when you cross a race dog with a bumble bee? A Greyhound Buzz.